The Shadows of the Past
by AnnKa
Summary: Emily seems to have the perfect life, with Derek and their little girls. She doesn't miss anything, but suddenly her past comes back to hunt her and threatens everyone and everything that she loves. Ian Doyle is finally ready to hunt her and more than willing to get his revenge. This is the Sequel to "Changes of a Lifetime".
1. Shadows of the Past

Hello everyone, and welcome to my sequel to Changes of a Lifetime. I am so glad you made it here and super excited about this new story. I just love writing it. The first part takes place in December of 2010, most of the story will take place in March 2011, which has to do with our good friend Ian Doyle. This might sound really weird, but I just love that character. Whoever created him was a genius, other than the fact that he killed (or tried to) Emily. This story shows how Emily deals with Doyle in my alternative world, with her little daughters and husband at home.

Thanks to Lovelover123 for reviewing this new project and helping me with ideas. You are fabulous! Happy Saturday.

Criminal Minds is not mine or a lot of things would be very different. However the little Morgan girls are totally mine!

**Shadows of the Past**

_The past cannot be changed but the future is still unwritten.  
_-Jennifer S. Benson

**Camp 22, North Korea**

There was a guard change at midnight. It had been that way since he had first arrived and he had known that was his one chance to escape, if he ever had one. The Koreans had kept him locked up the first six years. They knew that he was more than capable to escape and most of the guards and higher ranks had been informed of his history. That had changed. By now, he was just one of the many prisoners that were officially off the grid. Somehow, he had managed to get into the group that was less guarded. After they had shown him the pictures of his dead son, he had given them some irrelevant information: A few places where weapons were hidden. Nothing important that could hurt Liam in doing his job. Ian had assumed his friend would have taken care of the important places right now.

Once the torture was over, they had started to use him as a worker. It was hard work every day, but he also got a little bit more of freedom. Occasionally some official came in and they would press him for some more information, but eventually they gave up, since he had the valid point of not running the business anymore. He didn't tell them that he had given Liam strict instructions about how to handle situations like this before he had been arrested. He knew where to find his partner and he would get his revenge, once he was out of this place.

He pressed his body against the woodshed and carefully balanced every step he made to avoid any kind of sound. He had to make it on one of the transporters that had been checked already and were just waiting for the paperwork. He stood quietly watching the guards. A few more minutes and the guards would take their places as drivers and leave the camp. He watched as the new group came out exchanging some words in Korean. The drivers got into their cabs, while the other man started to take their position at the gates. He crept closer to the trucks. Carefully calculating every step, he was making. Prisoners weren't supposed to make it in this part of the camp, but that hadn't stopped him. It had taken him long enough to get into the lower security area, where those prisoners were held that no longer had any valuable information. When the first engine roared, he jumped out of his hiding spot and ran over to the back of a different vehicle. He waited for that one to start up, before he climbed into the back and went in to take cover behind one of the big barrels. The truck started moving a few seconds later, leaving the campground and making its way into the miles long cleared nowhere land. The reason why nobody escaped the prison was the open ground, which took too long to cross without any cover. He had seen quite a few men trying, through his years here, but the only one who had returned was still too valuable to shoot and had regretted his escape for many months until he had finally died, during one of the torturing sessions.

The ride was long and besides the regular bumping of the uneven road, Ian allowed himself to doze off. It was not until he could hear the leaves and branches hit the roof of the truck that he got up again. He had to get off, before they made their destination and he had no idea where that would be. He carefully removed part of the back cover and glanced outside. All he could see was the jungle and the road. No other vehicle behind them, to be sure no other truck would suddenly speed up and come, he kept looking through his little hole until he felt safe. He then positioned himself for a jump whenever it seemed a good time. As his feet finally hit the ground, he hurried up and escaped into the covering trees. He didn't stop running until he was in far enough to be unseen by the road, but could still make it out and follow it back to the next village. It would be a long time until he made it back to civilization, but he was determined to find the people who had done this to him. The camp's conditions hadn't been much better and he had learned to survive on the bare minimum. Now it was the time to use that knowledge. A dangerous grin came to his lips, as he fought his way through the jungle and began to plan his revenge.

**Washington D.C.**

Emily suddenly sat up in her bed taking in deep breaths. Her eyes were checking the whole room for signs of any intruders. Not until she could see the whole room through the dim moonlight, her breathing calmed down.

"Everything alright, Love?"

Emily about jumped out of her skin at the unexpected voice next to her. She turned around in a hurry to check if it was really the person the voice should belong to. Derek sat up at her sudden turning.

"Nightmare?"

His hand wandered to her back to calm her, as she nodded slowly with her eyes wandering through the room again to make sure her nightmare hadn't become real. Finally, she threw the blanket back and got out of bed.

"Where are you going?" Derek was tired from the case he had just finished and wanted nothing more than his wife snuggled up next to him, but she seemed to have other plans.

"Checking on the girls."

"I don't hear any crying."

She shrugged and walked out of the room without responding. She hurried into Avery's room first, but through the light of the nightlight she could see her oldest fast asleep. Emily stepped closer to the little princess bed and moved the blanket further up to cover her daughter's shoulder and most of the duck in her arms.

Careful not to wake her up, she then closed the door behind her again and went to Emma's room. The little girl was a little over 15 months now and just started to discover more of the world, running on her tiny feet. She was now asleep in her big sister's old bed. Emily smiled when she saw the little feet tucked under her belly. A way Avery used to sleep in as well, but their mother just couldn't see how it was even possible to sleep like that. Again she moved the blanket up, knowing it would soon be gone again, as the girl would shake it off in her sleep.

She closed the door behind herself and went to the third and last bedroom. When she leaned over the crib, wide-open, brown eyes greeted her.

"Hi Baby." She carefully placed her arms around the little body and lifted her youngest out of the bed. With the newborn safely in her arms, she made her way over to the rocking chair. Baby Katelynn Fran was just a little over a month old, but to Emily's relief so much easier to take care of than her older sister was. She rarely cried without a real reason, while Emma had just used any occasion to let everyone know that she was awake.

Emily carefully traced the little features of the face. Neither Derek nor she had planned on this little girl. They had talked about having another one eventually, but she had had her hands full with the two daughters they already had and was planning to start teaching a few hours every week at the Academy to get out of the house for a while. Only a few weeks after her first lecture, she had found out that she was pregnant again. Although she had not been in the field this time, she had given up her hours once she had hit seven months. Derek hadn't even said a word this time, but she was too exhausted running after Avery and Emma, who had just discovered walking at that time.

While still staring at her little girl, she moved her nightgown so Katie could eat, since they were both up anyway. The girl was usually quite hungry and today was no different. After the girl was done eating she faded off to sleep, leaving her mother to do some more thinking. The nightmare that haunted her hadn't been around in quite a while. Seven years ago, they had come quite frequently involving a little blonde boy. It was the first time that her daughters had shown up in this dream, as she hadn't had the dream in a few years. She had always felt safe when she was with Derek and had made sure that a complex alarm system in the house kept them safe while he was gone.

"Are you going to come back to bed?" She jumped again at his voice and it didn't go unnoticed by her husband. Katie in her arms moved as well, startled by the sudden movement. Emily put her hand on the small belly and with soft strokes calmed the baby back down. It didn't take her long to fall asleep again and Em decided it was time to move her into her bed.

Derek watched her close the door, before he spoke up. "You are awfully jumpy."

She looked at him. For the shortest moment, the thought of telling him everything crossed her mind, but then she remembered her oath and how Doyle was locked up somewhere in Russia, as she thought. There was no reason for her to have him worry about something that was so far in the past.

"Some nightmares are just too vivid." She felt him follow her back to the bedroom.

"Want to talk about it?"

Emily shook her head as she sat down on the bed: "Just hold me, that's all I need."

She didn't have to say that twice, he settled into bed next to her and opened his arms for her to snuggle into them. Once his arms surrounded her, she indeed felt better. He always made her feel safe, which was the main reason why she had enjoyed working with him. No matter what happened, he always seemed to be there to have her back. She didn't even have to check; she just knew that he was there.

"I didn't hear you come home." She finally stated.

"I came in after midnight and you were out of it."

"Your daughters keep me busy."

He chuckled quietly: "Hotch said if we finished the paperwork, we could stay home tomorrow."

She looked up at him: "I suppose that is you telling me that I also have to clean up your mess tomorrow?"

Derek moved his hand to his face, pretending to slap himself for her unwelcoming reaction, before correcting her with a grin: "That would be me telling you that I will help clean after the girls tomorrow and then I will take you out on a date."

"While the girls entertain themselves…"

"I already talked to Penelope. She and Kevin will come over around bedtime and have their movie night here."

"You are allowing those two in our living room, while my daughters are asleep in the same house?"

"Oh come on. It's not like they would do anything like that here in the first place and we are not exactly innocent either."

Emily smirked, before laying her head back on his chest.

"Well I suppose I could find that black dress in the closet and see if it still fits me."

He laughed at her indication of being fat, which she kept bringing up at any occasion. He couldn't really see what her problem was. Yes, she had gained some weight, but she had also had two babies within the last year and a half, so it seemed reasonable to him. He could feel her breathing steady, as she was falling asleep again and closed his eyes as well.

Just before she drifted off to sleep completely, she spoke again: "Can you do me a favor?"

"Hmm?" He didn't go through the trouble of opening his eyes or speaking.

"You can call me about everything, but don't call me Love."

His eyebrow rose: "Why is that?"

He whispered back, but she didn't respond, as she had drifted off to sleep for a few more hours. Derek opened his eyes, and looked down at her peacefully sleeping. It still seemed surreal to him how he had gotten lucky enough to be able to marry a wonderful woman like Emily. He knew that she didn't agree with him on that, but for him she was all he wanted and way more than he deserved. He fell asleep with his hand lightly brushing over her back.

Their awakening was rather abrupt as every morning, with Katie crying to be fed and possibly changed. Emily freed herself from his arms, but he pulled her back to steal a kiss from her.

"You wouldn't leave your poor husband without a kiss, right?"

She shook her head with a small smile, before leaning in for another kiss.

"You wouldn't leave your poor daughter starving, right?" Emily finally asked back, as he was still not letting go of her a few kisses later. "And wake the other two up with the heart breaking crying?"

"I suppose, I could share." Derek kissed her again, before sitting up himself and letting her go. He watched her hurry out of the room and smiled at the motherly person she had turned into. When she was out of his sight, he got out of bed himself and walked to the other bedroom. Emma was standing in her crib, rubbing her hands over the still tired eyes.

"Hi Emy." She reached her hands out to him and seconds later wrapped her arms tightly around his neck. "Did you sleep well?"

He could feel her snuggle back up against his neck, ready to sleep some more. Derek smiled, before heading next door, where his oldest was sleeping. He loved waking her up, after he had been gone for a few days. It made the morning more special to both of them. He carefully set Emma down on the floor and pointed towards some of the toys covering the ground. She glanced at him for a moment, but then wandered off to grab a stuffed animal from the floor.

Derek shook his head, before he put his attention on Avery. He knelt down next to the small bed and had his fingers wander up and down the little back. It took a while for the girl to stir, but finally she started moving, clearly shaking off the sleep.

"Are you going to wake up and give Daddy a hug?" He asked softly and his voice was all it took her to open her eyes.

"Daddy!" She jumped from her bed right in his arms. He sat on the ground for a while holding her, while she fully awoke. They both watched as Emma was running after a ball she had gotten to roll.

"Were you good for mommy?"

Avery nodded as fast as she could to convince him, before getting off his lap and walking back to her bed to grab her duck. Now that her favorite toy was secure in her arms, she sat back down on her dad and snuggled close to him.

They sat like that for quite a while, him watching his other daughter, while Avery kept telling him about all the important things he had missed. She was just telling him how there was a new picture on the fridge, just for him, when Emily's voice interrupted her.

"Emma, come here Sweetie." She opened her arms and caught the little girl in her arms to take her back to her own room to get her changed and ready for the day. When Derek turned to face her, he was surprised to see her dressed already.

"That was fast." He remarked.

"Well someone stole a huge chunk of my time today to go on this date so I need to get ahead of myself."

Derek laughed, before he moved Avery off his lap: "How about you show me what to wear today."

The little girl ran off to one of the cupboards and pointed to the top of it: "I decided last night with Mommy."

"Oh you did?" He walked over to the dresser and got the little girl dressed before meeting his wife and other daughters in the kitchen for breakfast.


	2. Warnings

Hi, thanks to everyone who came back to reading about the Morgans. I don't have time for a long talk today, but figured you would at least want the part. Thanks to lovelover123, you are the best.

**Warnings**

The small restaurant seemed unreal to her as she walked through the entrance. She hadn't been out very much lately, and when she had, her husband had been by her side. Her eyes wandered over the leather seats but she soon found who she was looking for. Emily still didn't know how they had gotten her new number, but of course Interpol had their ways of finding her under any circumstances. Her heart stopped for a moment when she made out her old friend at one of the small tables. She nodded towards the greeter, indicating that she had found whom she needed and made her way over to the table.

Her phone vibrated in her pocket. She stopped in her tracks to check the text fearing something bad had happened, but smiled when she read Derek's simple words of being on his way home. Emily then continued to the table.

"Emily Prentiss." She didn't make an effort to correct her last name, but had to admit she missed the guy that had been so close to her at one point in her life. She sank into the arms of Sean McCallister and returned his hug with a soft chuckle. Besides the seriousness of their job, they did have a lot of fun together.

"Sean, how are you?" Just like he did with her, she looked him over. There was not much of a change in him, although he did look older. She knew that he had family, but she wasn't sure of how many people that was and how old his children were by now. For a moment her thoughts wandered back home where Sophie was babysitting once more.

"Good." They took their seats on opposites of the table, but she could see by the look of his face that he wasn't here to talk about the good old times.

"I'm sorry I didn't call you back. I was busy." Three kids under the age of four, with a husband out of town for a case for sure kept her busy. Only the repeating of the calls had finally caused her to ask Sophie to babysit for a few hours, so she would be able to meet with Sean.

"It's okay; I had to be in D.C. anyway." Her former boss was still too serious for her liking. She didn't even try to bring the small talk back up and he came straight to the point.

"Ian Doyle vanished from prison." Her heart stopped at the name and as she listened to the rest of the sentence she was sure that she was about to faint. "Interpol can't find him."

"What are you saying?" She had to force the words over her lips. It had taken her years to bring the memories of this operation to the back of her mind and stop feeling hunted all the time. It had taken her years to even consider opening up for a relationship with someone, out of fear that Doyle would come and kill anyone she loved. That had been one of the reasons, why she had tried to keep Avery at a distance. The fear had been smaller at that point, but it had still been there and now she doubted every decision she had made after meeting the little girl.

"He is off the grid, Emily."

"Do you think he is heading here?" Without knowing the answer, she started thinking through possible ways of making her daughters and husband disappear. Of course, none of them really seemed like an option to anyone. Sean didn't respond, which was worse than any answer that he could have given her.

"Am I in danger?" What she really wanted to ask, was if her family was in danger, but again she didn't want to hear the answer and was sure she already knew it. McCallister wouldn't have come to town to inform her, if she wasn't in danger. Emily after all had been the one closest to Doyle, of course he wouldn't stop from hunting her down.

"We all are." Sean finally spoke again, including not only them, but everyone else who had been on the team at the time. None of them would be safe, if Doyle found out the truth about the operation that had sent him into prison and of course, he would eventually come to find them.

Emily swallowed hard, staring at her former boss.

"My family will be relocated in a few days and I can make similar arrangements for your husband and daughters." It didn't surprise her that he knew about the girls and Derek. Once a certain level in Interpol was reached you didn't have any secrets anymore. Your life depended on the fact that everyone knew everything about you.

"I can't just rip them out of this life. If we just disappeared, not only Doyle would ask questions, but Derek's team, they are like family to us. What about our parents? You can't relocate that many people."

"Your girls and husband is all I can offer."

She opened her mouth to protest, but closed it again. Emily knew too well that the offer was all she could expect. In truth, her mother would be safe surrounded by all her security, but she was worried about the Morgans.

"He is going to find everyone I love and kill them, until he gets me." Sean nodded and she could see the struggle within him.

"I might be able to call in some favors to get you passports for your parents, but I'm afraid there is nothing I can do for your team."

She nodded with a thankful smile. This was not how her life was supposed to turn out. Right now Emily wanted nothing more than to go back in time and return to her sheltered life as a housewife that she had gotten used to over the last two years.

"Separate me from them."

"What do you mean?"

"Make sure my identity is not connected to theirs. Have Derek be widowed or something."

"Emily…" Sean trailed off seeing the determination in her eyes.

"Call me when their ready. I will relocate them whenever Doyle shows up. Him travelling underground should give us a few weeks."

"You can't take him down on your own."

"We'll see." With that, she got up from her seat. There was no friendly exchange before she left the restaurant. The short conversation had brought her directly from housewife, mother and occasional professor at the academy back to agent.

After leaving the restaurant, she didn't head home. Another text had informed her that Derek was home now and she wasn't ready to face him. Instead, she directed her car towards the bank on the other side of town, where she had a small safe. Originally, those documents had been in her apartment, but she didn't dare keep classified memories in her family's house.

Emily then secluded herself in a quiet corner of the bank and started to go through the documents. When reading through the file she realized that she still had most of it memorized as if her life depended on it, and maybe it would again soon. Her eyes wandered over the pictures of Clyde Easter, Tsia Mosely, Jeremy Wolff and Sean. The pictures brought back so many old memories, but she couldn't afford to sink in them. Emily opened up her fake passport and stared at her younger self and the fake name next to her picture. Lauren Reynolds was dead, so there was no reason for him to suspect anything else.

She shut the passport and stuffed it back into the file. She put the envelope back into the safe and left the bank. When she pulled into their driveway half an hour later the building was already lit up. Sophie's car was gone, so she assumed that Derek had taken over for her. Emily turned the engine off, but then didn't move. It would take all her self-control to go back to normal life without Derek noticing that something was off.

Banning the pictures and memories to the back of her head, she stepped out of the car. It only took her a few steps to get to the house. Inside she got another moment to collect her thoughts, as her family was upstairs. She locked the door and set the alarm, something they usually didn't do until they went to bed. Using the moment of his absence she walked over to the safe where her gun was stored. She needed to get on the shooting range to get the feel back and workouts wouldn't hurt either.

She carefully pulled the gun out and let it sit in her hand with its full weight. Without her noticing something had happened in her life that had taken away her desire to do the job. While this gun had been her constant companion for years and she had been trained to lie, spy and if necessary kill, the feeling and her guard had been locked away just like her weapon.

"Emily?"

His voice from upstairs caused her to put the weapon back. She didn't want him to even suspect that something was off. When she closed the safe this time it was only the weapon that got locked away. Her guard was back up and it was in that moment that she swore she would do anything to protect the people she loved.

She hurried up the stairs to see where her family was. Seconds later, she found her husband and their oldest in Avery's room. Emily had assumed that the two younger girls were asleep, and the little girl in bed also seemed to have trouble keeping her eyes open.

"Mommy." Avery stretched to reach her mother and was about to crawl out from under the covers, when her mother hurried over. It had probably taken long enough to settle her down in the first place, so she wouldn't take the risk of having to go through that again.

"It's bedtime Sweetie." With a soft touch she had the girl lay back down, before hugging her and pressing a kiss in the dark curls. "Did Daddy already read you a story?"

Avery shook her head no, but Derek immediately protested. In fact, he had read more than usual already because they had been waiting for Emily.

"Well how about I read one more page and then it is time for bed,' Emily sat down next to the bed getting the book from the shelf. Out of the corner of her eyes she could see her husband rolling his eyes at her. They had agreed to not spoil the girls in any way and that was what she was doing right now. She gave him a soft smile, before starting to read the page.

It didn't take her very long to finish the page and thankfully Avery was already drifting off to sleep. Emily pressed another kiss on the small head, before heading towards the door and turning the light off. Derek followed her in the hallway. As soon as the door was closed, she felt his arms snake around her waist pulling her towards his body.

"We have probably about an hour before Katie wakes up and I vote we use the time wisely."

She turned in his embrace to meet his longing glance.

"Was the case that bad?"

"Do I have to be troubled from work to want to make love to my wife?"

She laughed softly while wrapping her arms around his neck. Loving her life made it a lot easier to keep playing the role and his desire would certainly distract him from anything that was weird about her behavior, but still she felt like she was betraying him. She swallowed hard, but he didn't notice as he already leaned down do place soft kisses on her neck.

"Avery is probably not even asleep yet."

"Another reason why we should take this into the bedroom," he smirked at her, oblivious to her concerns and thoughts. Keeping her embraced in his arms, he maneuvered her into the master bedroom. As he worked his way down her neck to more sensitive spots she slowly lost the struggle of not wanting to follow her instinct and stop him. Doyle couldn't possibly be in D.C. yet, so she might as well enjoy Derek while she still had him in her life. She closed her eyes and a soft groan came over her lips before she allowed herself to stop thinking and follow the longing his touch triggered in her.

She was about to fall asleep in his arms, when Katie's soft cry was heard from the room across the hall. Emily opened one eye allowing her brain to kick in again. She wasn't having any troubles with Katie, like she had had with Emma after she was first born. It was like she had known from the first moment what the baby needed and her daughter was also kind enough to adjust to a sleeping schedule rather fast. Emily slowly sat up, keeping the blanket wrapped around her body, looking for something she could cover herself with.

"Here."

She smirked as she inspected his shirt he had fished from the floor and now handed to her. It wouldn't cover very much, but it should be good enough for the short trip to the nursery. After feeding the baby she carried the little girl back to her own bedroom where a little bassinet would let her sleep as well.

Emily's eyes wandered to Derek, who had his eyes closed now. She smiled softly and walked around the bed to put the baby down.

"Well looks like you have to wait until tomorrow to say 'hi' to daddy." The baby's eyes were barely open, as she drifted back to sleep. "He used to not wear out that fast."

"Excuse me?"

As Emily turned, she saw his eyes wide opened and fixed on her back.

"Did you just talk dirty in the presence of our two-month old?"

"Oh come on. You have said worse things around Avery, who actually likes to pick up words."

The mother of three smirked, but then stepped closer to the bed so he could take a look at their youngest. With the cases and him leaving town on such a regular basis, he always felt like he was missing out and more importantly, disappointing her. Truth was any woman who hasn't worked for the BAU herself, would probably be fed up with him and his permanent absence by now, but to her it was just part of him – the man she learned to love.

Again she swallowed hard as she watched him take the small hands in his and caress the rosy cheeks. Emily had never expected to have this kind of life for various reasons and one of them had come hunting her on this very day.

Katie had drifted off to sleep again, so she put the girl into the bassinet, before crawling back into the bed herself. His arms wrapped around her immediately, giving her the feeling of pure love and security that she loved so much about him. Only that they weren't safe anymore.

"Unsubs were a newlywed couple, deciding that shooting people was more fun than sex."

She raised an eyebrow at his words.

"Last victim was her father. They basically shot him in front of his ten-year old daughter."

"It's not your fault."

"If he had shot the girl, it would have been my fault. I shot Sidney and that made him tick off."

"You did what you had to do to protect yourself and the team, I'm sure." The words sounding in her own ears brought her back to the memories of her own reunion earlier in the day and she remembered the plans she had made downstairs.

"Sometimes I just wish it could all happen without hurting people."

"That's the job."

He nodded, pulling her closer in his arms. Having his family was one of the reasons why he kept pulling through his job. He would have done it without them, but having his girls made him look forward to coming home no matter how hard the cases were and it kept him safe. Derek at this point had no idea of the danger that was threatening his home at this very moment.


	3. Flowers

Hello everyone, thank you so much for the reviews (RealMe07, RandyOrtonxWifexx, Insanetrouble, thesoundsofasmile, kaykay2018, Lexis4MorganPrentiss, MH96, tashak, Barbra4317, rmpcmfan, paullyn6, Nix1978, Guest, 123a456e, Aaliayah13, Pheonix1995, taylor, and lovelover123), favorites and followers. I'm so glad you like this new adventure of Demily and their family. As with the other parts this goes loosly along with what happened in the episodes around this time. We also are now in March of 2011, as the episodes made quite the time jump as well. I have to warn you, this chapter might require some tissues.

Thank you to lovelover123 for proof reading this. I worked some of your suggestions in, so I hope its even better now.

**Flowers**

After that night of denial, Emily had gone to work. Preparation was needed for Doyle's arrival and she was in the middle of it. There was nothing, which would stop her from protecting her family. She found various excuses as to why she needed to work out again and was able to slip into the shooting range often enough to get her good shot back. A few weeks later, she had met with Tsia and Clyde for a small exchange, but that had only made the situation worse, as they now knew for sure that Doyle was after the team.

It was this very day that the reality had hit Emily herself. As she came home from picking Avery up from preschool, she had found a small package on the doorstep. While the girls had loved the purple flower inside, Em couldn't allow herself to be excited. She knew very well who had sent it and it scared her. She had a close eye on the girls all day long, not allowing them to play in a different room of the house without her presence. When Derek finally came home that night, she had disregarded the flower to the garbage can and was able to play normal for long enough to give him the excuse of having to attend meetings at the academy.

That had been hours ago, and she was still sitting at the small table under the starry sky. She shuddered as she could finally feel his presences behind her. She wasn't surprised at all, since it was part of the risky plan she had. Only talking to him would help her figuring out what he was really after. He wore a wide smile as he walked around the table to sit down, while placing a cup of coffee on the table between them.

"Hello Lauren."

"You are late. I started to think you wouldn't have the guts to show up," she was provoking him and they were both well aware of that.

"I had some arrangements to make."

Their eyes met. He was trying to read her, but she still knew how to keep him out of her true thoughts. Keeping him out of her thoughts was one of the things that her life had depended on. Something she would never forget, but she wouldn't be the first one to look away.

"What do you want Ian?"

His grin widened as he took in her stoic face. He had thought he was able to read her eight years ago, but he was not kidding himself about it now.

"I want to see you suffer, Love."

"And how do you think you will do that?"

"Well let's see…" He finally broke their stare and looked off into the distance. "From what I've heard you are close to that FBI team. I wonder how poor Penelope would take it, if one morning they would find Spencer dead. The pressure was too much for him, picked up the drugs again."

Emily was surprised, if not shocked, by his knowledge.

"Or what would Jennifer or Aaron think if their boys would be gone one morning?"

"Henry and Jack have nothing to do with this." The moment the words came across her lips, they both knew that he had her.

"Then of course it would be so much more painful to go directly to Derek and do some talking. I'm sure he would do a lot to protect baby Katie."

Emily swallowed hard in an attempt to keep her tears down. She couldn't break in front of Doyle, not that easily.

"Or what would little Emma and Miss Avery think if I took them to a little trip to a warehouse." That was when she knew that the Koreans had indeed used the pictures against him. They had used the most painful thing they had to break him.

"My girls have nothing to do with what I did. They are children."

"And Declan wasn't?" He spit the words in her face and wiped his coffee cup off the table with a violent slap of his hand.

"I was protecting Declan."

"You call getting my son killed, protection?" He had gotten up and stared at her with pure hatred in his eyes. She had nothing to respond to that.

Doyle walked around the table and with a fast move grabbed Emily by her neck.

"You are going to suffer just as I did, Emily Morgan."

"If you come near my family, I will end you."

He laughed: "Oh and you think you will be there in time to stop me from putting a bullet in little Avery?"

She moved her gun from under the table to where he could see that she had it.

"I wouldn't do that, Love, if you want to ever see your children again. My men have clear instructions, but you are right… Maybe killing the girls just like that wouldn't be so much fun. I think I will wait for you to arrive and have you explain to them why they have to die."

With that, he pushed her head away from him and walked off. Emily was tempted to follow him then and there, but she knew that he had his people positioned all over the place and if she tried anything, she wouldn't survive that. She kept sitting on the cold chair and stared into the starry night. Even if she wanted to, she could go home right now. Derek would figure out that something was wrong within a few seconds.

It was over an hour later, when she finally stood from the chair. Her woolen coat had long since stopped keeping her warm from the cold March wind and she was shivering. As she reached her car, she didn't bother to turn the heat up. Her soul felt as numb as her body did and she felt that she deserved this state. Why had she ever agreed to go undercover? She couldn't remember. All she could think about now was her family that was in terrible danger, because of the decisions she had made ten years ago.

Em took a very long route home, always one eye on the mirror to see if someone was following her. She couldn't make out anything suspicious, but who was she kidding. Doyle already knew where she lived. He could be waiting for her right there. That thought was her reason for finally returning home. The house lay before her in quietness, which could be good or bad. She checked the whole downstairs, even the hallway closet, before hurrying up the stairs. Finding Avery asleep, in her little bed, calmed her down a little. She readjusted the blanket over the little girl, before leaving to check on Emma. The eighteen-months old was asleep as well and Emily silently made her way to the last child's bedroom. Her heart seemed to stop, as she couldn't see the baby in her crib. She gasped for air, before she turned and hurried to the master bedroom. He couldn't have her baby. Doyle wouldn't just come to get the baby and leave everyone else untouched, would he?

Her heart was racing until her eyes set on the small sleeping bundle in the bassinet by the bed. She made her way to the baby and leaned in to place a kiss on the soft skin.

"Em?" She jumped when her husband's tired voice sounded through the room. Thankfully, he didn't notice as he kept his eyes closed. "You are late."

"Got caught up in a meeting." She began changing into her pajamas, already knowing that she wouldn't be able to sleep. When she slipped into bed next to him, he immediately moved in to hug her and shuddered as he touched her cold skin. Although Emily wanted to hold him as tight as she could, she was afraid he would notice that something was wrong and, therefore, let him do the hugging.

"Did they cut the heat at the academy after the last budget cut?"

"I didn't even notice that it was cold." She closed her eyes at the lie and turned around so she wouldn't have to look him into the face. Derek's arms tightened around her in the possessive and protective manner that she loved so much about him.

"So, should I be worried about the flower in the garbage can?"

Emily paled, but he couldn't see that because her back was facing him: "It was delivered to the wrong place." It hurt her how smooth that lie had just come over her lips, but she reminded herself that she had to do this in order to protect him – and their daughters.

"You could have still put it into water, and enjoy it."

"I'm allergic." Again, the lie rolled over her lips before she could think about it.

"I will take the garbage out before going to work." He snuggled closer into her.

In the next two hours, she never closed her eyes, but she could feel Derek relax against her as he fell back asleep. Finally, Katie gave her the excuse she had been waiting for to get out of bed. She fed the four-month old, but the girl refused to fall back asleep. Emily started to get the feeling that her daughter could sense the plan that had formed in her head during the past hours. As the little eyes closed again, she carefully placed her back into her bed. Em grabbed her jeans from where she had dropped them earlier and then left the room. Thankfully, she hadn't had a chance to put away the laundry, so she found a fresh shirt and some clothes to change into downstairs. She got dressed in a matter of minutes, before she went to the safe to get her gun and the documents. She didn't look at the names on the passports, just like the many times before she had been staring at them within the last few weeks. McCallister's last words to her came back to her mind: _"Their worth it."_ She couldn't look at the names, because then Doyle could torture them out of her.

Emily blinked away the tears that came to her eyes and put her own fake ID back into the safe. In the dim light from the street, she wrote a hasty note, barely enough to make Derek do what she needed him to do. She then took the envelope and went back upstairs. Her plan was to drop the papers on the bed and disappear, but not only Katie seemed to have sensed that something was wrong.

"Mommy?"

Emily jumped at the quiet whisper, expecting the worst, but Avery stood in the door by herself, hugging the worn duck tightly.

"Hey Sweetie." Her eyes wandered through the hallway, before she picked her daughter up and walked back into the child's bedroom.

"Where are you going?"

"On a trip." She swallowed as she realized that she had just lied to her innocent, little daughter.

"Can I come?" Emily could see the excitement in Avery's eyes and hated to disappoint her.

"No baby." She could see how the little girl opened her mouth to protest and stopped her. "But Daddy, Emma, Katie and you will also go on a trip. It will be a big adventure."

"Why do you not come?" Avery asked with big eyes, but allowed her mom to put her back into the bed.

"I will come later."

"Can we go and see duckys?"

"Yes." Was all Em was able to choke out at that point, the memories of their first visit to the lake flooding back through her mind. She had to take some deep breaths, before she could speak again.

"But you need to sleep now, otherwise you will have to take a nap and then you might miss the duckys."

"Okay." Avery snuggled into her pillows, pushing the duck against her little chest.

"I love you, Mommy."

Emily stopped in her movement of giving her daughter a kiss on the top of her head. Why had she allowed herself to become so attached to people? She had always known that her past could catch up with her. That had been the reason why she had been so guarded, until… Avery had cried herself into Emily's life and had stolen her heart, just to pass it on to her father.

"I love you too, Avery. I will always love you very much." She choked and hurried to get up, as she watched her little girl close her eyes.

Emily rushed to the master bedroom, placing the envelope and the note on the bed next to her husband. She didn't dare to look at him or their baby, for fear that she would change her mind and couldn't bring herself to leave anymore. Moments later, she left the house. She took his car, as hers was supplied with all the children's seats, and drove off into the night, not knowing if she would ever see them again.


	4. Nightmare

Hello everyone. Thank you for all your support, especially those that reviewed: Guest, tashak, MH96, AuroraStarDancer, paullyn6, rempcmfan, Lena-F, Lexis4MorganPrentiss, 123a456e, Guest, and leahloahla. You are all amazing. This chapter is very focused on Derek and his little girls, so forgive me for all the questions I leave unanswered. Also you might need tissues once more.

Thanks to lovelover123 for helping me with little ideas and proof-reading.

**Nightmare**

It was still dark outside when Katie's crying woke him. At first, he refused to open his eyes, as he expected Emily to get up and feed the baby, just as she usually did. After a few more seconds, he moved his hand towards where she should be lying next to him. Derek opened his eyes, when he could only feel the cold sheets next to him. His eyes caught sight of the envelope, but his focus was now on his crying daughter. He swung his legs out of bed and hurried over to her. Katie calmed a little as she was cuddled into his arms. With his free hand, he grabbed the envelope, but the baby was already getting fussy again and announced that she was hungry, so he didn't take a closer look. Derek hurried downstairs and prepared a bottle, abandoning the documents on the counter. When Katie was fed and happy in her little swing, he sat down on the table and finally took a closer look at the note.

His eyes narrowed as he read the hastily written words.

"What the heck?"

He finally woke up completely and focused to read the note again.

_I need you to call the number in the envelope. Witness protection is ready to take you into their program. Just tell them who you are and they will know what to do. You have to take the girls out of town today. It is too dangerous to stay any longer._

He took a deep breath. What was Emily talking about? He opened the envelop and his eyes widened as four passports fell out of it. He opened the first one and saw Avery's little face in the picture. As his eyes moved over to the writing, he noticed that it wasn't the girl's name on there. He opened the other three finding two more pictures of his children, until he stared at his own face. All of them showing names that were clearly not theirs, but the last names were the same for all of them.

Derek got up and grabbed the phone from the counter, dialing Emily's number without even looking at it. While he listened to the sound, he took another look into the envelope and found birth certificates for three girls and a man. Finally, a little note fell out with a phone number on it.

"Daddy?"

He glanced to the door, where his oldest stood with her favorite toy pressed against her. He gave her a small, still confused smile and hung the phone up, since his wife wasn't answering. He caught the little girl in his arms and placed her on his lap.

"Are we going on our trip?" Avery's innocent voice interrupted his thought and he directed his stare from the papers to the girl.

"Who said we are going on a trip?"

"Mommy. She said it will be an adventure."

"Did she?" It was more a hypothetical question, but the girl started nodding.

"She said I had to sleep so I could see duckies."

Derek grabbed the phone and hit another speed dial. He didn't even consider that Penelope would not be in the office at this time of the day. His eyes set on the documents and he picked up the sticky note with the phone number on it.

"My chocolate thunder, what can I do for you this early."

"Track Emily's phone."

"What?"

"Just do it Garcia."

He could hear the familiar sound of her fingers hitting the keyboard.

"It's off."

Derek swallowed, slowly realizing that this might not be a joke but rather a very big nightmare.

"Okay, tell me who this number belongs to." He gave her the number on the little note and waited, praying that it would be something harmless.

"Belongs to a Harry Williams."

"Can you background check him?"

"Derek you really need to tell me what is going on."

"Please just do it. I don't have time to explain."

He heard the typing, but that didn't stop her from asking: "Is something wrong with Emily?"

"I don't know." He honestly responded.

Penelope grew quiet as she worked through the system to find out more about Harry Williams. It seemed to take her unnaturally long, but he decided that is was just his impatience. He put Avery back to the ground, sending her upstairs to choose the clothes she wanted to wear for the "trip."

"Well there is not much about him. Born 1955 in New York, lived at the same address for most of his life. Never married, no children, works as a mechanic."

He rubbed the back of his hand over his eyes, in a weak attempt to focus on the information. He was about to ask her to dig deeper, when he heard the door of her office open and Hotch's voice in the background.

"Why are you researching Harry Williams?"

"Derek asked me to look him up."

"Is he on the phone?"

"Yes, I am. What's up Hotch?"

"I just got a very strange phone call telling me I need to stop my people from digging in the life of a government identities and phone numbers. Where did you get that phone number?"

"Emily gave it to me."

"Where did she get it?"

"I have no idea."

"Well ask her."

"I don't know where Emily is either."

The other side was silent, as neither of his friends had missed the desperate sound in his voice. It was like his whole life was falling into little pieces. His wife leaving in the middle of the night after telling their daughter about a trip, giving him nothing but an envelope with fake identities for his family.

"She left me an envelope with fake identities and a note to leave town today and call that phone number." He finally revealed to his friends.

"Pack up your girls and come to Quantico, I will make some phone calls." Morgan nodded weakly, before realizing that they couldn't see that and he forced a few words of agreement over his lips. He was about to hang up, when Hotch spoke again: "And Derek, pack for a longer trip. Just in case."

The next hour Derek was on autopilot. He put new clothes on the baby and Emma and then helped Avery get into the clothes of her choice, an adorable dress Emily had just bought for her a couple of weeks ago. He went through the motions, but he barely listened to the many stories his oldest had to tell him. When he stepped outside, he noticed for the first time that his own car was gone, while the SUV was still in the driveway. He silently thanked her for being considerate enough to think her escape through and leave him the vehicle with the seats for the children.

He buckled the children up and then put the bags into the back. Derek stopped a moment to send a text to Garcia to start looking for his car. The half-hour drive to Quantico seemed longer than ever before and he was tempted several times to call the team, but having to put them on speaker and having Avery listen stopped him from actually going through with that plan. It took him a while to get all three children in the visitor log for the FBI and he was about to lose his patience with both the security agent and his whining daughters.

By the time he exited the elevator, Katie was crying in her seat and he literally had to drag Emma behind him in his hand, huge tears rolling down her little cheeks, demanding to see her mommy. Avery quietly trailed behind him, not understanding why their fun trip had led them to her dad's workplace. With two crying kids, it didn't take long before he had the attention of everyone in the room.

He wasn't sure where to go first, so he just stood in the middle of the room, one hand around Emma's little one, the other holding the carrier.

"Morgan."

Reid caught sight of him first and hurried over, Rossi came out of his office and was right behind him. Emma drew her hand out of her father's hand and travelled as fast as her little feet could carry her to throw herself into her Uncle Dave's arms. He held her close while walking back to where Penelope had taken the crying Katie out of the carrier and slowly started to calm her down.

Hotch also had made his way from the office. He caught the desperate look in Derek's eyes and immediately his own thoughts went back to when he had tried to save Haley's life. He indicated towards the younger man to follow him into his office. Without him noticing Avery trailed behind him up to the small staircase that led up to the offices. She stopped on the second step, when Aaron closed the door behind her father. She stared at the door for quite some time, with the team members and her little sisters a few steps behind her exchanging worried glances. Garcia wanted to hug the little girl, but she was still busy calming down the fussy baby.

Finally, it was Reid, who stepped forward. Rossi and Penelope exchanged a short look, but let him do. The young agent knelled down and got the attention of the little girl with a small movement of his hand. He then showed her his empty hands, before he moved them behind her ear. When he opened them up again a small piece of candy lay in his hand. Avery smiled and took the candy, but as soon as she had placed it into her mouth, her eyes went back to closed office door.

Inside the office, Derek recalled everything that had happened since he had woken up that morning. With Hotch's professionalism, he slowly calmed down enough to start thinking again. He still wanted to run out and start searching for his wife, but he knew that would be pointless. The other agent repeatedly had him recall every little detail about his last conversation with Emily.

"She came home late; she said there was a meeting that took her longer."

"I will have Garcia check if she really went to the Academy."

"Probably not. She was cold, like she had been outside for hours. I was joking about budget cuts…" He trailed off.

"Was there anything else off yesterday?"

"The flower." Derek suddenly directed his stare from the wall towards his unit chief. "There was a flower in the garbage. She said it was delivered to the wrong person and that she was allergic to it."

"Okay, I will have Rossi and Reid go to your house to get the flower and maybe they will notice something else."

"I want to come."

"I need you here." Hotch quickly stopped him: "You daughters need you here and we need to figure out what Emily wanted you to do with the passports."

"She wanted me to leave with them."

"Harry Williams is a cover name for a marshal. I don't know details yet, but it looks like she got you into the Witness Protection program. I made some calls and the agent should be over here soon."

"No way am I leaving now."

"This isn't about you Derek, Emily apparently thought that you were in enough danger to get protection and if witness protection agrees with it that usually means it's bad." Hotch grew silent for a moment, his eyes gliding to the picture of Haley holding Jack in her arms that was still sitting on his desk. "We will start with digging out Emily's past and if necessary I will turn you over to the marshals."

"I need to find my wife."

"As of right now, you need to take care of your daughters."

Derek opened his mouth to protest, but then closed it. He stood abruptly and left the room.

"Daddy." The little girl hastily climbed up the last step of the stairs, but he couldn't hold her now. He wanted to beat the heck out of somebody or something. He wanted to yell at Emily for leaving in the middle of the night and having him figure out what was wrong without any hint. Out of the corner of his eyes, he could see that Hotch had stepped out of his office and the team was still around.

"Stay with Uncle Dave, Avery."

"No." She tried to follow his fast steps, but suddenly two strong arms caught her. "Daddy."

Her crying got hysterical the moment Derek got out of sight and it broke his heart, but he couldn't bring himself to hold her right now.

"I want my Mommy." The four year old was kicking against Aarons legs, while his head was in immediate danger of her flying little fists. "I want my Mommy."

Hotch's eyes wandered through the office and he could see that Garcia and the two younger kids were gone. Rossi and Reid slowly approached him.

"Daddy…" Heavy sobs now interrupted Avery's screaming. "I … want … my … Mommy."

"What is going on?" Rossi quietly asked his friend, while his eyes rested on the heartbroken little girl.

"I need you two to go to the Morgan place and find anything. Derek said something about a flower in the garbage. Bring it. We need to find out why Emily put them into Witness Protection."

"And why she disappeared." Reid added.

Hotch watched as the doors opened and he smiled. "Hopefully some of the answers just walked in."

"What do you mean?"

He nodded towards the blonde who had walked in, accompanied by another agent, while moving Avery in a more comfortable position in his arms.

"I want my Mommy," Avery announced again, but at least she had given up on hitting and kicking him.

JJ approached the group in a fast pace and opened her arms to take the little girl from him. Emily and she regularly had play dates for Henry and the girls so Avery was a lot more comfortable with her.

"I want my Mommy and Daddy."

"I know sweetheart."


	5. Digging Up Secrets

Digging up secrets

After Rossi and Reid had left, Hotch and JJ, with a now quietly whimpering Avery, made their way to Penelope's office. Williams had gone to talk to the director and Strauss as they needed to get Morgan's paperwork done.

"Garcia I want you to find everything you possibly can about Emily's life," Hotch said.

"But it is Emily, Sir."

"Just remember you do it to help her."

Penelope swung around in her chair as JJ spoke and gave her a wide smile. "You are back."

"Just until we find Emily," as much as Jennifer loved to be back, she was too worried about their friend to enjoy the reunion right now.

"That's a start, Sweetcheeks."

They grew silent as the door opened. Derek looked around almost expecting more bad news, but Garcia hurried to inform him everything was fine: "Katie and Emma are taking a nap over there."

His eyes wandered to the corner where Penelope had piled up blankets and coats to keep Emma happy, while her little sister was in her carrier once more. He then glanced at JJ, who was holding his oldest daughter. Avery wasn't asleep at all. Big tears were still streaming down her cheeks, although she seemed to have calmed down.

"May I?" He stepped closer to JJ to transfer the girl into his own arms.

"Of course."

"Daddy!" The little arms wrapped around his neck in a tight grip, as to make sure he wouldn't run away again.

"Shhh." He held her as close as he could, feeling bad for his earlier reaction. "I'm sorry Baby." He wasn't sure if she was old enough to be mad at him, but he still felt like he needed to apologize.

"I want my mommy." His heart was ready to break at her sad request. He wanted nothing more than to give her what she asked for, because that would also bring his wife back, but to make that possible he needed to get his team on working the case.

"What do we know?" He tasked his friends, as he tightened his embrace around Avery to keep at least _her_ safe. He didn't even bother to question JJ's presence. Every help he could get was welcome in this case.

"I just pulled up her file: Born in 1970, graduated from Garfield High School in 1989 after living in five - no six - countries during her childhood. She studied international studies and psychology at Yale, graduated in 1993. Started in the academy shortly after that."

"Garcia get closer to the time before she joined the team." Hotch ordered, knowing that this had nothing to do with her high school time.

"She moved around a lot, took every promotion she could get. She started here in D.C., then Chicago for two years, two years in Cleveland, Ohio, and then she got transferred to Detroit."

Derek stared at the screen, suddenly realizing how he hadn't known about most of these stages of her life. Somehow, she had managed to keep everything between graduating from the academy until meeting them to herself. She had not mentioned a word that she had lived in his hometown for two years, although he had been surprised when she had known about the best restaurants in town. At that time, he had just assumed Garcia had tipped her off, but now he began to wonder what else he hadn't known about his wife's life.

"Now this is weird. She was in the field with all the positions, but Detroit."

"What do you mean?"

Penelope was frantically typing to get more information. "I mean that she disappeared. She was officially stationed in Detroit and had an apartment as well as a credit history, but she went from active FBI agent to a ghost somewhere in an office."

"Emily would never take a desk job." Derek responded dryly, remembering how hard it had been to get her out of the field when she had been pregnant with Emma.

"Yeah that doesn't make sense. Do you remember when I asked her how she could be looking at all the bad things without even flinching, back when she just started here?" JJ looked over at Hotch.

"I agree she wouldn't have been so cool with our job, especially after years behind the desk."

"So what does that mean?" Garcia turned in her chair.

"She was undercover." Derek pressed his little girl closer against him. "Deep enough that someone went through the work of paying for an apartment for her and giving her a credit history." He had been undercover before, but never deep enough for anyone going through that much work. His family had been too important to him to cut all ties for a job and disappear for months. Emily, however? She had never been very attached to Elizabeth so it wouldn't have hurt her.

While the group grew quiet, Rossi and Reid finally reached the Morgan house. They had gotten the keys from their colleague but it still seemed wrong for them to intrude. The gray haired agent slowly closed the door behind him and had his eyes wander through the hallway. Everything seemed like the house of a normal family. As they walked into the living room, they found toys spread on the ground, where Derek had the girls play in the morning while he had been packing.

The agents put their gloves on and slowly began to work themselves through the room. They looked behind books, at the bottom of the toy box, they removed the cushions of the couch. Finally, Rossi opened the cupboard with the safe and pulled out his cell.

"Morgan, what's the code for your safe?"

"She wouldn't hide anything in there; I open that thing every day twice."

"Sounds like the perfect cover."

Derek sighed and gave him the code.

"I'll keep you updated."

Dave opened the safe and carefully pulled out the stack of paperwork. He found their marriage license, the original birth certificates, Emily's credential, the original passports of the family and an extra. Reid came closer looking over his shoulder as he opened the last passport. Emily's picture was in it, but the name was different.

"They had her ready for Witness Protection as well." Reid stated the obvious.

"But she didn't take it, which means she is about to do something stupid."

Rossi put the documents in a bag, before closing the safe. It would be safer to take the documents back to the BAU, where they wouldn't run the risk of a break-in. The pair then began to inspect the rest of the house. They found the flower Morgan had talked about in the garbage bag, but other than that the house seemed more than normal.

"I can't believe she just left."

"She is protecting her family." Rossi stated dryly.

"But from what? She could have us work on it and they would have been fine."

"I don't know Reid, but Emily would have to have a dang good reason to leave like this." He opened his door and climbed into the SUV. Neither of them noticed the pair of eyes on them, as they pulled out of the driveway.

Emily wasn't sure, what she was doing back at her home, but she had to make sure that her family was gone. Derek would be stubborn enough to sit the whole thing out, but she couldn't take that risk. She would have dragged him to the Marshals herself, if she had too. She had been about to leave, seeing that the house was empty, when the FBI issued SUV pulled in the driveway. She cursed as she watched her friends enter the house, but instead of leaving, she sank deeper into her seat and waited for them to come back. Hours later, they had come back out and she could see from the distance the blue back of the passports in the bag, as well as the flower. Thankfully, Doyle had been considerate enough to not leave any hints on the box that had delivered the flower, so that wouldn't allow them to get deeper into the case. She watched the SUV drive away, before she pulled her own car from the parking spot and left for where she had wanted to go from the moment she had left the house last night. She knew too well where to find Doyle and what it would take her to get in.

Meanwhile Derek had different issues. Hotch had introduced him to the Marshall, who had promptly started to lay out how he would relocate the little family. The plan was to leave late that night and take them to a first location for a few days before they would be sent to their final location that wasn't yet decided. He was still trying to process that his wife was involved in something big that he had no idea about and more than once stopped listing to the Marshal.

"I need you to sign these papers Agent Morgan."

He snapped out of his trance and looked down at the paperwork. The first one said that he would follow the lead of the Marshals and do nothing to endanger the mission that they would take upon in protecting him.

"I don't need protection."

"Believe me you do."

"From what?"

"I can't give you these details."

Derek looked up, ready to throw the papers in the other man's face. He didn't need protection and wouldn't leave his wife behind in this town, without knowing if she was even alive.

"I'm not going. Emily needs me here."

"Emily arranged this for your protection. Think of your daughters, they need someone to take care of them." Williams sat back down and leaned back in his seat. Strauss had warned him that it wouldn't be easy to convince the father of three, but it needed to be done.

"I can't take care of the girls and work by myself."

"We can arrange to hire a nanny."

"And that's not a danger at all?"

Williams leaned forward in his seat, ready to make a compromise if that meant he could keep the family safe. "Tell me what you want."

"My mother needs to come with us. I can trust her and the girls are used to her."

"From what I heard Emily had been trying hard to get your mother in the program…" He got up from the chair. "Sign the paper and I will inform someone to get your mother relocated."

Derek stared at him for another moment. He wanted nothing more than to go out and looking for Emily, but Williams was right. The girls needed to be safe. He grabbed the pen and signed off his life to the Marshals. "Do what you have to do."

When the two men returned to the conference room, Reid and Rossi had returned with their evidence. His eyes settled on the lilac flower that had seemed so harmless a few hours ago.

"We found a fake identity for Emily in your house."

Rossi handed him the passport. Derek opened it up, his eyes fixed on the picture of the woman he would possibly never see again. He was about to put it down, when his eyes caught the name. "That last name doesn't fit ours."

"She requested a separate identity." Williams stood at the door, feeling not to comfortable being the one sharing this information.

"She never planned on using it." Rossi was the first one to speak again.

"Too stubborn for her own good." Derek breathed out and let the passport sink to the table. "I signed the papers. We are leaving tonight." He paused for a moment his eyes darting through the room as if he was looking for someone. "You have to find her." His eyes rested on no one in particular, but he pleaded with all of them.

"We will." Although Rossi would not stop looking until he found Emily, he wasn't so sure in what state she would be in when they found her.


	6. Painful truth

Hello everyone. I apologize for not updating last week. Life has just been ridiculously busy. Hopefully this part will make up for some of it. Thank you so much for your reviews for the last two chapters: Kaykay2018, MH96, paullyn6, Lexis4MorganPrentiss, Guest, rmpcmfan, leahloahla, tashak, 123a456e, Pheonix1995, Linda19, Molly Russell, Kara Amira Almindez, Guest, Clkaudiia, Cassie Watts, Emily fields, and hughmj. You are all fabulous.

Thanks as always to lovelover123. You are awesome (are you still reading these?)!

**Painful truth**

Only a few hours later, Derek had been able to talk to his mom who was now on her way with a Marshal from Chicago. It had all gone very fast and they had barely had time to explain to his sisters. In fact they hadn't even been allowed to explain other than assure that they would be okay. They were scheduled to meet within the next few hours. Right now Derek was back to having Katie secured in her carrier, although she was asleep this time. Emma was in Rossi's arms, while Avery lingered close to them, sensing that more change was going to come.

"We'll tell the Marshals to get you back as soon as it is safe."

He nodded. To be safe again in near future sounded like the best-case scenario, but he was afraid that wouldn't be how things would end.

"Come here Sweetcheeks. Give Auntie Penelope a hug." She waved Avery over, but she wasn't her quirky happy self as usual. She pressed the little girl close until she began to struggle free.

"You are hugging me too tight, Auntie."

"I'm sorry."

The girls gave everyone hugs and so did their dad. He was surprised when Rossi actually pulled him into a hug. Emily did that regularly, but the two men usually just exchanged handshakes.

"Keep those girls safe." The older agent was about to pull away, when his friend began to speak.

"You are going to call me when you find Emily, right?"

"If it's safe."

"I don't care if it's safe, I have the right to know if my wife makes it through this."

"What if she doesn't make it?"

David looked the younger man straight in the eyes. He wanted to help him with all he had, as Emily was like a daughter to him, but he didn't know if Derek would be able to face her death. What if she was already dead, he could find the murderer, but that wouldn't bring her back. He saw the big gulp with which Derek swallowed the hard question.

"Then the girls have a right to bury their mommy."

Dave nodded: "Be safe."

The team walked them to the elevators. Nobody wanted to see them go and as the doors closed, Garcia finally let her tears flow. She had tried to hold it together so she wouldn't freak out the girls, but now tears traveled down her cheeks and everyone else stared at the doors in worry.

"Daddy, are we going on our trip?"

He glanced down at Avery, who was holding Emma's hand like she had been told to.

"Yes, we are going on a long vacation."

"Are we watching duckies?"

Despite the situation, he had to laugh at his daughter's innocent question. If he had known what one stuffed duck would do to his baby girl, he might have never allowed Emily to buy it. Not that she had asked for his permission in the first place.

"We will make sure to stop at a lake, but right now we are going to the airport and we are going to fly just like ducks do."

"Really?

"Yes, baby." The doors opened and the family was greeted by Williams who stood with another official looking man to take them to what could possibly turn out to be the rest of their life.

While the family was guided outside under the protection of the Marshals, the team had begun their work upstairs. They were all in the conference room and JJ had pulled up pictures and documents.

"I didn't get much, because it was a deep undercover operation, but I think it will be a start." She pointed towards the pictures of three couples, two families, as well as other individuals. "Ron and Lauren Cosenza, as well as their son, and Frank and Kerry Fagan were killed two weeks ago, both in the same night."

"The same night and we didn't hear about this?" Reid looked up from his files.

"Both killings looked like family drama or accidents." JJ paused, glancing towards Hotch. "And the CIA had their fingers in. They wanted to keep it covered up. The only reason they gave me this much, is because of Emily."

"What does she have to do with this?" Penelope was still pale and looked ready to burst into tears again.

"Ron Cosenza and Kerry Fagan worked for the agency as handlers."

"Handlers for what?" Rossi looked at the board in interest.

"Handing high end criminals over to other countries that have looser laws on their interrogation methods."

"Torture." Hotch clarified, before adding, "Who are the rest of these and what's the connection to Prentiss?" Nobody missed how he had not only gone back to Emily's maiden name, but also now seemed to see her as piece of the case rather than a close friend.

"CIA tried to save Ben Correli, who creates fake identities, sometimes even for the agencies. They were too late and actually ran into the hit group that resulted in a gunfight with them. Inside they also found Tsia Mosely, who has been with the French DCRI and more importantly Interpol. Her fiancé Jeremy Wolf, from the German Federal Police, died about a month ago in France, supposedly from a heart attack. The McCallister family died in Brussels, Belgium just a week after arriving there."

JJ was about to continue when Garcia piped up.

"I know that name. I had a McCallister call and he asked for Emily. I didn't think anything of it, he said he was an agent that had previously worked with her and he was in town, so he wanted to catch up. I gave her his phone number." Her face suddenly filled with guilt.

"From what they told me, McCallister, Wolf, Mosely and Emily were involved in an operation to that was intended to take down Ian Doyle, a former IRA terrorist and arms dealer. One of them was undercover, sent deep down to find the dirty details they needed to take him down. They had him, staged the undercover agent's death and the team was dissolved until a few weeks ago. The handlers had taken Doyle to his destination, after they didn't get anything out of him."

The group sat in silence, while they worked through the information flood in their minds. All of them were worried about Emily and they knew they had to hurry if they wanted to bring her back to her family alive.

"Who was undercover?" Rossi finally dared to pop the question, although he had a bad feeling that he already knew.

"Doyle liked women and…" JJ swallowed hard, as this last piece of information was the worst to put into the picture, "Emily was just his type."

"She _slept_ with him?" The words slipped over Garcia's lips before she could even think about it.

"There is a lot you have to do once you are that deep in." Hotch dryly defended Emily's position, although he was well aware that this new information would be a big problem between Derek and his wife, once they were reunited.

"So how are we handling this?" Rossi hurried to change the topic.

"JJ arranged for the BAU to join to work the case. They actually like to get the attention away from the CIA. Emily first made contact with Doyle in Boston, so I suggest we go there. Emily is our victim, we'll profile Doyle." Hotch explained while he gathered his papers. "Wheels up in thirty. Garcia you are coming."

Everyone got up and hurried to get their things. Penelope was throwing all kinds of equipment into her bag when her email account showed a new message. She opened it and found a video sent by the Boston police department. She opened it, hoping to get a hint on their case. She stared as she watched a woman run across the street and throw a flash bang grenade into an SUV before she hurried around the car, her gun trained in front of her. The video stopped and the tech hurried to open the second attachment. Now there was no doubt that Emily was the woman. Penelope let out a cry as she watched Doyle approach and shoot her friend. The woman sank to the ground, loosing hold of her own weapon, while the man came closer and leaned down.

Tears started running down her face, but Emily moved and Doyle had her carried to a different vehicle. Penelope could only hope that he wouldn't go through that kind of trouble if she were dead. Still paralyzed from the video, she didn't look at the caller ID as her phone rang and answered.

"Penelope I need you listen to me. Don't say my name while we are talking."

"Shouldn't you be on your way to safety?" Her eyes were still on the spot on her screen where Emily had been seconds before.

"I need to find Emily."

"You need to be with your daughters." Garcia swung around checking the room for unwanted listeners.

"They are with my mom and on their way. I need you to give me all the information you have."

"You won't like it."

"I don't like my wife being gone trying to fight her past on her own."

"When you said earlier that she was undercover, she was in deeper than you thought." She had no idea how to keep him from following the stupid plans he had.

"Send me what you have to this phone. I will look at it and dump the phone."

She still stared at the screen. They were her best friends and she knew that she wouldn't be able to stop him, just as he hadn't been able to stop Emily. After taking a deep breath, she sent the files JJ had gotten her to his number.

"You better be careful, because those girls need their Mommy and Daddy back."

"Always, Babygirl."

"I tried to call Emily on her old numbers, but she didn't answer any."

"I don't expect her to use an old phone."

"Well I left her voicemails anyway and we will go to Boston now, apparently that's where it all started, in an Irish bar called The Black Shamrock…" she let the last piece of information linger between them.

"Thanks. Listen I have to go. I will call you when I get the chance."

"Derek…"

He stopped in his movement of hanging up. "What is it Babygirl?"

"I just got videos from a surveillance camera."

"Is Em on it?"

"Well, yeah." Garcia was quiet for a moment while trying to find the right words to tell him what she had seen: The flash bang grenade, Doyle shooting Emily, and then them taking her with them.

"Send them."

"She got shot, but she seems fine. Derek, he's got her now." The information escaped her mouth as she was trying to share as much with him as she could, while she sent the videos. Derek was quiet, as he was digesting the new information.

"Don't tell anyone what my plan is."

She nodded silently as he hung up on her. His nightmare more and more turned into hers as well as one for the whole team. Silent tears rolled down her cheeks as she stared at the screen in front of her.

"Garcia are you ready?" JJ popped her head into the room. As she heard the sob she opened the door wider and stepped in. "What happened?"

Penelope looked over to her friend. She wanted to tell her about the phone call, but she didn't want to betray Derek, so she swallowed and pointed towards the screen as she hit replay. JJ escaped a yell of terror as Emily got hit, but she caught herself as she saw her friend moving and helped the tech finish the packing so they could leave.


	7. Stubborn

Thanks to everyone who has been reviewing or marked the story as a favorite, as well as all the followers. I'm excited about each one of you. Special thanks to thesoundofasmile, Kaykay2018, paullyn6, Bagpuss7142, MH96, rmpcmfan, Guest, taylor, jhplug, 123a456e, Gjgug, and Lexis4MorganPrentiss. It is great to read what you think about it.

Thanks as always to lovelover123, you are the Best.

Oh on a side note, I do not speak French and neither does Google translate, but that was a close as I could get.

**Stubborn**

With the consciousness came the pain. She slowly opened her eyes, which had a hard time adjusting to the dark. She lifted her head up from where it had been resting on her chest. As she tried to move, she realized that part of the pain came from her arms that were tied closely to the wooden chair and the numbness of her legs. Emily blinked again and finally her eyes gave her some hints of where she was. A warehouse for sure, which lay in darkness. She pushed her arms against the tight rope to see how much room she had, but there didn't seem to be any. She carefully listened to the quietness around her, while she leaned her head back in an attempt to relax her tense neck muscles. Slowly the memories of the past hours came back.

_Emily had steered her rental car into one of the empty parking spots across the street from the Black Shamrock. She had been here earlier, right after leaving DC, to see if it still existed. After taking in the familiar place, she couldn't resist to step in. Fahey had not been there. While sitting in her corner and replaying memories, she had listened to the barkeeper, who told someone that he had bought the place five years ago. Apparently with Doyle's disappearing Fahey had also lost his business. Emily had leaned deeper into the bench as she thought of her first meeting with the criminal. Only the voice of the former pub owner had brought her back to reality and she had hurriedly made her way out, to be able to get to talk to Fahey. She wasn't even sure anymore, why she had pulled the trigger on him. He would talk one way or the other, but now she was in deeper than ever before. Her eyes readjusted to the SUVs that were parked in front of the pub. Two, just as he had always done it for his own safety. Her focus left the cars as she pulled out her phone. She didn't expect to actually see a missed call, as the look at the clock was more a matter of habit. Her eyes widened, when she first heard the usually so vibrant voice of her friend through the phone. She could tell that Penelope was crying. Emily swallowed hard, ready to hang up and not listen to the rest of the voice mail. "Your babies are safe and we are out there looking for you. So just hang in there, you hear me?" Prentiss choked, in an attempt to suppress the tears that were filling her eyes. Derek and the girls were safe, that was all she had wanted and knowing that she needed to focus on the task at hand. She let the phone sink into the passenger seat and looked back up to the pub. She wasn't surprised when the doors opened and a large group of men came and split between the cars. She didn't worry about the first car, but let it go. Just as the dark SUV was out of sight, she grabbed her utensils and made her way over to the second vehicle with fast steps. The moment she fired, her new life was forgotten and she was right back in her cover from eight years ago. She had training and she was able to use it. The grenade flew in through the open window, before she hurried around the car and opened the door._

"_Where is Doyle? I only want him!"_

_The moment the men came into her sight, she realized the trap._

"_I'm right here, Love."_

_As she swung around, she already knew that her shot was a vain attempt, because he would be faster. She felt the impact of the bullets in her vest, before the impact forced her body to the ground. Her head hit the cold cement and she was ready to pass out that moment, but she fought her eyes open to face her enemy. Ian only smiled while leaning down. As consciousness left her, only the thought, of Derek and her daughters being safe, allowed her to feel a little peace._

Her chest still hurt from the impact of the bullets and she suspected that at least one of her ribs was cracked, if not broken. She took a deep breath, while rolling her head on her neck in another effort of getting her shoulders to relax. The stinging pain in the back of her head didn't help it and she was afraid that she had a concussion added to the cracked rib. She needed to find a way out, but as she looked around she knew that Doyle had brought her here for her final moments. Emily knew this place. She had chosen it personally seven years ago for a different mission she had been involved in, one that had meant to stop the suffering of a little boy, before it could ever start.

"I see, you are awake, Love."

She shuddered involuntarily as his voice sounded behind her. He turned some of the lights on, which made her eyes shut against the sudden brightness. She took a deep breath, using her training to ban the thoughts of pain in the back of her mind and focusing on her own survival.

"You could have accommodated a little more than a lousy chair." Emily didn't know where she got the nerve to still tease him.

"The chair is still too comfortable compared to what you deserve."

She turned her head as far as she could to get a glimpse of him and he did her the favor to step around her.

"What do you want, Ian?"

"Something you won't be able to give me."

„Je peux être à nouveau Lauren. (I can be Lauren again.)"

„Tu crois? (You think?)"

Somehow, she found her sweetest smile, the one that had helped her to get almost everything from him, during their time in France.

"I can give everything up and come with you right now."

Ian laughed, before he gave a kick against an old screw on the floor.

"I know what you are doing. You are trying to get into my head, but I changed the locks." He focused his cold, blue eyes on her: "You really think I believe that you are going to give up your happy little family, to be with me? Do you think I'm stupid enough to fall for this, again?" He spit the last word at her.

She shook her head.

"You know, just because you made sure that your little family disappears doesn't mean I won't find them."

"Don't you dare touch them."

"Nothing stopped you from intruding into my family, from getting the only important person in my life killed."

"I only wanted to protect Declan."

"Well that worked out quite well, didn't it?"

Emily swallowed. She had to stop herself from telling him the truth that Delcan was alive. Everything had been done to protect the little boy, but now giving the real events away would be a possibility of saving her own children.

"I will find them." Ian got close to her face, but stayed far enough to make it impossible for her to reach. "But until then I have a few more things planned for you."

She thought he would move on to his torturing of her right then, but to her surprise she heard the footsteps fade. She closed her eyes and allowed her head to sink back down on her chest, as she didn't have the strength to fight her tired body any longer. Although willing herself to be fully aware of everything, she must have dozed off, until the loud sound of a metal wagon disturbed the silence. She lifted her head, not daring to turn around to see what Doyle had planned for her.

"I don't see you wearing my ring anymore."

"I flushed it down the toilet, a long time ago." Indeed, after holding onto the piece for quite a while, moving in with Derek had forced her to make some decisions and one of them had been to get rid of the compromising ring. Whatever feelings she didn't dare to admit that she really had had for Doyle, Derek had been her start to a new life.

"Well I'm planning on giving you another memory from me. One you can't get rid of that easily."

She tensed as she heard the cart roll closer to her.

"You still have your two tattoos?"

Emily's eyes widened at the realization of his plan.

"Yes and that is more than enough ink, thank you."

"No, no Koreans can't afford ink. They brand themselves." Emily drew in a labored breath as she watched Doyle come closer with the hot metal, while he began to unbutton her blouse. Only the thought that her family was safe gave her a little bit of confidence. She didn't care if she would die here, as long as Derek and their little girls were alive and at the end she wouldn't have to live with the branding either way.

"Doyle, we have a problem." She didn't dare look up, knowing that Liam's interruption would only give her a short relief. Also, she wasn't fond of the way her shirt was still open while the other man was around. Doyle was a criminal without doubt, but he had made sure none of his men would come too close to her, while she had been around him. Now after all that happened, she wasn't so sure anymore if he would be that protective. If he were he would only do it so he could be the one to inflict pain on her.

"Boss, someone is sneaking around the building."

"Take care of him. I'm busy."

"Believe me you want to see this."

Ian growled in frustration, but turned the machine off. He leaned down close to her ear and whispered, "I will be back, Love."

She closed her eyes and listened the sound of their steps slowly fade away. As she didn't hear them anymore she turned her head to see if there was anyone behind her. Her fingers then began fumbling with ropes that kept her tied to the chair. The pain was forgotten; she only wanted to get out of there. Being bound to a chair didn't exactly bring her to the situation of protecting her family, if it was necessary. Emily had been in worse situations before so there needed to be a way out. She soon gave up trying to get her hands out, but started to rub the rope up and down the edge of the chair leg. If she could get her hands free, there was a chance of getting out of this alive. She had to bite her teeth together hard not to scream from the pain in her lower arms.

Just as she thought one of the ropes might be loose enough she heard voices. Her only hope was that he wouldn't notice the work she had been trying to do, because that would end painfully for her.

"I have a surprise for you, Love."

He gave the machine a kick to get it out of her reach, before he walked around her and put a laptop on her lap.

"Like you heard, we have a visitor. I have to say he is pretty tough and stubborn." He hit the start key and she recognized that it was a security video from outside the building. It was dark and the quality wasn't the best, so she had a hard time following the dark figure around.

After a few seconds, more movement came to the picture and several men surrounded the other. She squeezed her eyes together in an attempt to understand what was going on.

"I could have shot him right there…"

She ignored Doyle's words and focused on the screen. It was then when the unknown figure fell to the ground.

"In fact, I did shoot him."

"Why are you telling me this?"

Ian took hold of the laptop and handed it to Liam who had just entered the room. He then grabbed the vest from his friend, before dismissing him.

"You might recognize this."

Her eyes settled on the blue colored lifesaver vest, she didn't miss the bullet in the chest covering part, but her main concern lay on the label that was printed in white: FBI. Her heart started racing, as she knew that it could be any of her friends that he had taken down. Well most likely Rossi, Hotch or Reid, since Doyle had been speaking of a male.

"Now on to your surprise." He waved towards Liam, who had returned and was now dragging something heavy in the room. Emily's eyes darted to the side as he came into her sight.

"No." Her whisper was barely auditable, as she tried to get out of her chair.


	8. Dirty Details

Ladies and gentlemen, I'm glad you are still reading, because this part is one of my favorite things I have ever written. I just love it. Thanks to everyone who has been reviewing: Kaykay2018, thesoundofasmile, rmpcmfan, paullyn6, leahloahla, Bobbie23, Pheonix1995, MH96, Bagpuss7142, 123a456e, Guest, lovelover123, and Lena-F. You are all the best.

Thanks to lovelover123 for beta reading. I hope you have some time within the next week, because I need to do some serious writing and you therefore need some serious beta reading. The next part is almost ready for you.

Like I already said, this part is one of my favorites EVER! It was so much fun to write it and I hope the show helps you to see all the details that I can see when reading it. As recommendation, rewatch Lauren, since there is a lot of overlapping.

**Dirty Details**

"Derek!"

Her cry sounded from far away. He tried to move but his whole body seemed to ache worse than he had ever known it was possible. As he tried to sit up, he realized that it was impossible for him to move his arms and legs as they seemed to be bound together. Slowly the memory of the events returned to him and he tried desperately to open his eyes to prove to his mind that he had just heard Emily's voice.

"Don't worry, Love." A male voice that Derek didn't recognize spoke. "I'll make sure he is alive long enough for him to see your beautiful little girls die."

"Go to heck, Ian." That was definitely Emily's voice, so at least he had found her.

"I've already been there."

When he forced his eyes open, he could see the strange man lean close to Emily. Too close for any husband's liking, but the fact that he was a high end criminal and that her blouse was halfway opened, made it even worse. He knew they had history and he didn't like it at all.

"Leave her alone." His voice didn't sound nearly as intimidating as he wanted it too and Doyle did realize that, as he turned around with a wide grin.

"Oh and what are you going to do, if I do this?" Ian's hand was suddenly on her cheek, before slowly moving it over her neck, lower towards her bare breast.

Emily was frozen, her eyes fixed on Derek to make out his reaction. It was one thing playing her game with Ian. She knew what she could do to provoke him just enough to not get herself killed, but her husband had no idea.

"Get you dirty fingers off my wife!"

She was surprised by the harshness of his tone and realized that she had been out of the field too long to remember that side of him. Her eyes were trying to catch his, but he was too focused on Doyle and his hand that was still resting on her breast. He tried to get up from his laying position, but he couldn't get up with his hands and feet tied.

"I don't think she agrees with you on that. There have been times when my hands made her scream my name, out of pure pleasure."

Derek's eyes wandered to Emily, but now it was her that focused on Doyle. She didn't want to have this conversation with him right now. It needed a quiet moment, without Doyle, to explain all off this.

"I was playing the role."

Ian laughed, now putting his focus back to her: "Weren't you offering to go back to doing just that a few hours ago?"

"I'll still do it, if you let Derek go." She caught her husband's disbelieving glance. She wished he had gone with the girls like she had told him too.

"Tempting offer, but I told you earlier, you lost that chance a long time ago." He finally removed his hand after squeezing the sensitive skin. Derek's eyes followed him, when he walked out of the room; both of them listened to the steps fading away.

The couple remained silent; as Derek let his head sink back to the ground. He felt like he was going to throw up. Not only the shot his vest had caught and the beating from Doyle's men had done damage. Reading the files was one thing, but hearing from that man what he and Emily had been doing, just made him sick. He didn't even know what to think anymore. The Emily he had gotten to know and loved seemed to have disappeared and all that was left were questions.

"Are you okay?" Emily finally dared to break the silence.

"Nothing that won't heal."

"You should have left."

"It's a little hard to leave, after your wife runs off in the middle of the night, with nothing but open questions."

"I wasn't exactly allowed to tell you about any off this."

"Well, I'm here, so you might as well."

Emily was silent. She had always wanted to tell him, but not in this situation when everything just looked like she was the one sleeping around with criminals.

"I was undercover. I had to get involved with him, so we would get enough to lock him away." She saw him closing his eyes. "He was never supposed to find out the truth."

Derek was quiet, his eyes still closed. She had no idea what he was currently thinking about and it scared her. She was about to think that he had passed out, when his voice sounded again.

"Were you in love with him?"

"No." The answers came so fast over her lips that she didn't even believe herself. She saw his eyes opening, but he stared at a point by her feet. Tears collected in her eyes. Even if Doyle wouldn't kill them, he had accomplished what he wanted. He was taking away the people she loved simply by telling them the truth about her past.

"It's hard to play love for month and not actually believe it yourself, but that doesn't mean I'm in love with him now. It was a role and a long time ago." It had never been about Doyle. The feeling of being needed was what she fell in love with. She had enjoyed the moments when she was a normal fiancée and mother for Declan.

"And then you just turned around and walked away when you had enough to put him into prison." It was more a statement then a question.

"It was the job." A tear ran down her cheek.

"Going undercover to find information about a criminal is a job. Falling in love with him while sharing his bed that's what I call personal involvement." Derek didn't know why he was so angry at her all of the sudden. Maybe it was because she had brought their daughters into this kind of danger, or maybe because their children would most likely grow up with neither of their parents. However, the biggest possibility was that he was jealous. His common sense told him that it had been her job – which she was still doing now- but at the same time, he couldn't get the picture out of his mind as Doyle had touched her earlier.

"Derek…" She trailed off, as she heard footsteps behind her.

"Did Emily mention that she was wearing my ring for quite a while, just like she is wearing yours now?" Ian's smirk widened when he saw the change in Derek's face, which clearly showed the hurt he had just brought to him. When he made his way around Emily, he only took a second to see the tears she couldn't stop from falling.

"You should save those, Love. It is only a matter of hours until we can locate little Avery, Emma, and baby Katie. Of course it will also be my pleasure to welcome Fran Morgan for our little reunion."

Derek cursed behind him on the floor, but Ian's full attention was on Emily. Something seemed to have changed with her. He wasn't quite sure yet, if it was just her playing her game, or if he had really accomplished his coal: Breaking Emily Morgan.

"It might interest you that Derek's team found poor Fahey." When he met her eyes, they didn't change at all for that news. "Did you really have to shoot off his ear?"

Emily slightly raised her shoulders; her eyes went back to Derek, who was still staring at the ceiling. At this point, it seemed clear to her that she had lost him. She had always been of the opinion that she didn't deserve him in the first place, but seeing him on the ground full of worry and at the same time so cold towards her, just gave her the proof she needed. When it came to her own feelings, Doyle could as well kill her right now, because death wouldn't feel any worse than this. Then there were her beautiful little girls and Fran. There was still a chance of saving them, if she would give to Doyle the only thing she could still loose.

"Take me to where he died." Her voice was shaking.

"What good would that possibly do?"

"Seems like a great place to take revenge." Emily had no idea where those words came from, but he seemed to like the idea. He grabbed his gun from the back of his pants and directed it towards Derek, before kneeling down to cut one of her hands free.

"One wrong move and he is dead." He then handed her the knife to free herself, while making his way to Derek. He forced the other man to get up from the ground, while pressing the weapon against his head. "Lead the way, Love."

It had taken Emily a while to identify the warehouse, but she now knew why Doyle had chosen it out of all the places that he possibly could. Taking her to that spot had probably been in the back of his mind anyway. At first, her feet felt like they were going to fall right under her, but slowly and with every step the feeling in them returned. They passed one of the guards, but then made it into the room she had sought out such a long time ago. Her eyes immediately fell to the corner where his little boy had sat and grinned at her.

Ian pushed past her, throwing Derek just in that corner, before he turned to face Emily.

"For two years they didn't get a word out of me. Until you put my son in the profile and they did this." He grabbed a stack of pictures from his jacket and threw them at her, while readjusting his weapon at Derek.

"Maybe I should kill him right now, in that very same corner. After all he will die with the knowledge that I will kill his daughters as well." His finger moved to the trigger, when she made her final decision.

"There is something you don't know, about those photos." She was relieved when his finger stopped. Clearly, he was listening. "After your arrest, I relocated Louise and Declan and then I got a call. Interpol had sent back our profile. The head of the terrorism division wanted more dirt on you so they could break you."

"So you used my son as a promotion." He slowly turned, putting the weapon in his pants, before removing the knife. She could see the anger in his eyes, just as much as the hurt that he was trying to hide. Then a little surprise added to it as she began to shake her head.

"No. I wouldn't let him to be a pawn. The things they would have done to him, to get you to talk…" She could see Derek move in the corner of her eyes, but didn't allow herself to let her focus slip away. "But I knew, even if I didn't cooperate, they were going to find him, eventually. So I had to…"

She didn't get any further; as Ian realized in what direction her words were going. His focus was completely off Derek now and all on her, as he moved closer with the knife in his hand, anger written all over his face: "Had to what?"

Emily took in last deep breath: "I had to end his suffering, before it could begin." His hand hit her cheek, before she could say anymore. The knife fell out if his hand to the ground, but he didn't have to use it to show his anger towards her.

"You don't know when those pictures were taken." For the first time all day, she felt like she had some of her power back to keep Ian under control. "You don't know that."

"Yes, I do. I'm the one holding the gun."

He slammed her against the metal shelf with all the strength that he could find, before throwing her to the ground.

Derek had been sitting in the corner quietly, trying to figure out what Emily was trying to do. As the two slowly revealed the story about Ian's little boy, he had gone through all emotions possible. He felt sorry for Doyle, grateful for Emily as she announced the relocation and then disbelief as she revealed that she had been the one holding the gun to this little boy. He flinched as he saw his wife flying into the shelf. He could hear her cry of pain, but she was fast to look up again. Derek's eyes then widened in terror, when she looked up again to say words that would bring Doyle even more over the edge. She must have completely lost her mind, to say them.

"Do you want to hear his last words?"

Derek was sure that he would kill her right there and then, when Doyle rammed his foot into Emily revealing all the anger he had been holding in.

"What were they?" Ian's voice was nothing more than a growl by now.

"You will leave my daughters alone, if I tell you." It was a command and the next kick to her stomach didn't come as surprise to her.

"Why would I do that, after you told me you killed him?"

"Because he said: I looked pretty good for a dead kid, didn't I?" As he held back on his next blow, Emily tried to straighten herself up. "And then he got on the plane and I never saw him again."

It was those words and Doyle's enraged cry of disbelief that got Derek moving. His eyes had been fixed on the knife all along and he slowly made his way to it, to free his hands and feet. Although he was careful, he didn't have to worry, because Ian's range was now completely centered on Emily.

"He is alive?" Another kick went straight into her stomach.

"Just because I held a gun to him, doesn't mean I shot him. I only had to make you and the North Koreans believe he was dead." She felt his hand grab her by her hair. She bit her teeth together in pain as he pulled her from the ground, just to throw her against the next wall.

"No you are lying." As he slammed her against the wall and secured her with one hand, his other moved to his gun, but she was faster and with one blow of her arm, his gun went flying to the ground. Somehow she also got her still tied up hands around his neck and forced him to the ground.

"I beat you Ian, before you even got out of North Korea." She pressed her arms stronger around his neck, determined to end this right here and now: "I beat you, because I gave Declan his life back."

"I'll find him." His voice wasn't as strong anymore.

"No you won't, because I'm going to kill you right here." She pressed the rope stronger against his neck. It was that moment, when the light suddenly turned off on them. Emily paused, just long enough in confusion, for him to get back on his feet and free himself, before pushing her against the wall.

Derek, now free from his rope, jumped up and pulled Doyle off her. What he didn't calculate on were his injuries. Ian turned around in rage and then pushed him back towards a table with all his strength left. Both men went flying into the wood and made it crashed. Now on the ground the agent didn't have to support his full weight and keep balance. He turned them over, so Doyle was underneath him, before ramming his fist into the other man's face.

"I told you, to leave your fingers off her." Another blow followed and Ian sank to the ground, supposedly defeated. It only took that moment of relaxation for Derek to become inattentive and suddenly he felt a stabbing pain in his stomach. He looked down in surprise and found one of the table legs in his abdomen. Doyle with his hand still around the other end forced him to the ground once more and got up.

It was then when the shot sounded through the room and Ian suddenly felt a piercing pain in his shoulder. He turned around to where Emily was standing, the hands with the gun shaking.

"Where is Declan?"

"You will never know!"

He made a step towards her, when she fired the gun again this time it went straight through his chest.

"I told you, I would end you, if you touched my family."

She watched as he sank to the ground, life slowly leaving him. When he hit the ground, her eyes shifted to the other lifeless figure on the ground.

"Derek." She stumbled to where he was laying, the wood sticking out of his stomach. Her hand briefly caressed his cheek, before she focused on pressing both of them down on his stomach.

"Hang in there. They are coming, I know it." Tears were now freely flowing down her cheeks. "Remember they cut the light."

One of her hands wandered to his throat to check his pulse, but she didn't seem to find it.

"No Derek. Listen to me! You need to make it through this. Your little girls are waiting for you. I know you promised them to come back." Her fingers frantically moved around, but she could find the securing beat of his blood still moving.

"Derek, no!"


	9. Blackout

Hello my amazing readers. I'm sorry for the break last week, but life is busy right now as finals are coming up for me. Once those are done, I will sit down and write and hopefully I will be able to post my regular weekly again. Sorry to everyone I took by surprise by stabbing poor Derek. It has it's reasoning, but I'm not going to tell you yet, what it is. Thank you to thesoundsofasmile, Lexis4MorganPrentiss, Bobbie23, Lena-F, 123a456e, paullyn6, tashak, Catulicious, MH96, Kaykay2018, Bagpuss7142, Guest, Pheonix1995, RealMe07, and leahloahla. You are all the best readers a writer can wish for.

This new part has to flashbacks, so you will be able to see how some of the things came to be in this story and they fill a few of the gaps from "Changes of a Lifetime" to "The Shadows of the Past." Enjoy!

And I almost forgot the most important: Thanks to lovelover123 :) Especially for posting on your own story. :)

Oh and I'm open for ideas for stories after this. I'm getting to the point where I start thinking about new ideas, but I was wondering if there was anything you guys really want to read about?

**Blackout**

"Emily." Suddenly a lot of movement was happening around her. "What's wrong with him…?" JJ's voice trailed off as she saw the wooden stick, surrounded by the blood pool.

"Hotch, we need a medic, fast." She yelled over her shoulder, while dropping her weapon and sinking to the ground. She pressed her hands on top of Emily's hoping that she was able to stop the bleeding. Her eyes then wandered to her friend's other hand that was still searching his neck for a sign off life. Panic was written all over the woman's face. Jennifer calmly lifted one of her hands and grabbed the one of the former agent's to place it next to the wound to stop the bleeding. Then, as calmly as possible, she moved to look for a pulse. She let out the breath she had been holding, when she found it.

"He has a pulse." She assured her best friend, before shouting in the general direction she had come from: "Where is my medic?"

The blonde's eyes wandered through the room, while she pressed her other hand on top of Emily's once more. At this point, it wasn't about stopping the bleeding, but more about calming down her friend just a little bit.

"Emily, are you okay?"

The brunette didn't react. Her eyes were fixed on her lifeless husband, while her hands pressed deep down to keep the blood from coming out of the wound. She didn't dare to look back up at his face. Her fear of seeing signs of his immediate death was too big. The sudden movement around her got some of her attention. She saw the medics begin their work, but refused to let go.

"Emily, they need to see the wound." JJ's voice seemed so far away and she decided to ignore it. She put even more pressure on it, when two strong hands grabbed her shoulders and softly pulled her away.

"No, he is going to die." She cried as she struggled to get back to Derek, but she was pulled into a firm, but loving hug instead.

"No he is not. He wouldn't do that to you." Rossi's voice was calm, as he tried to comfort the woman, who was like a daughter to him. "He loves you too much."

Tears were streaming down her face and slowly the first sob came over her lips. She hadn't dared to show weakness in Doyle's presence, but now that he was dead there was no longer a reason to hold it back. Her whole life had fallen to pieces during the last few days. She had in one way or another hurt everyone who she cared for and loved. Emily closed her eyes for a small moment, but hurried to open them again, when everything started spinning around her. Her knees sank in just long enough for David to notice. He wrapped his arm around her a little stronger, before starting to walk her out of the room.

"No!" Her protest was weak and she had no longer the strength to fight physically.

"He is going to be fine. I promise."

Her body felt numb, but she followed his soft push towards the door. They had made it almost all the way out of the building, when they crossed Reid's path.

"Emily, are you okay?"

Reid's eyes took in her appearance and he didn't miss the bruises on her face that started to form. He began to move towards his friend to embrace her, when they heard hurried steps behind them.

"Make the way free."

Rossi carefully pushed both of them out of the way to make room for the medics, who had Derek lying between them on a stretcher. They rushed by and the sight of the table leg still sticking out of Derek made Emily move again. She completely ignored Reid, who had a look of terror on his face.

"She is going to be fine!" Rossi assured him, before hurrying after Emily. They were just moving Derek's stretcher into the vehicle, when he reached her.

"I need you to step back Ma'am."

"But I need to come with him." She felt Rossi's hand on her back, but ignored it. She couldn't and wouldn't leave her husband.

"We can't take anyone with us."

"But I'm his wife."

She had barely finished the sentence when the machines around Derek started beeping. Emily stretched to see around the medic, but the medic now began to close the doors for good.

"I'm sorry, Ma'am. We will be heading to the Boston Medical Center."

"No!"

Emily started to reach for the vehicle, but it was already moving and she only reached for empty air. Leaning forward while doing so, it was that moment that she completely lost her balance and her head started spinning again.

"Emily!"

"_Emily, are you ready?"_

_She turned with a wide smile on her lips. She was standing in one of Dave's spare bedrooms, facing the mirror. Her eyes had been on the white dress, she had never thought she would actually wear. It was a few months after she had officially become Mrs. Derek Morgan, but her family was still waiting for the real thing. Finally, it had been Hotch, who told Rossi to make arrangements. The team leader knew too well that the couple was waiting for him to recover from the loss of his own wife, but that would take much longer than he wanted them to wait. Therefore, the day had come faster than expected._

_Her smile widened as she took hold off his offered arm. In the past years Rossi had become more a father figure to her than her real father had ever been. At the same time, he was the best godfather Emma could wish for. Not only was she spoiled with many presents, but he also was constantly worried about her well being and supported the couple with babysitting duty whenever they needed it. It had been natural for her to ask him to guide her down the aisle. Being so close to all of their friends the couple had decided not to call on a specific best man or maid of honor. They wanted everyone there and involved and it didn't really matter, who had a specific role. When she walked into the yard the spring sunshine and many familiar faces greeted her._

_Derek and Emily wanted the wedding to be small, only the closest of their friends with them. Therefore, only the BAU team and their families, as well as some other close friends of the couple accompanied Elizabeth and the Morgan family. Everyone had been surprised to see a male addition to the Morgan family. Sarah had invited her long-term boyfriend to accompany her. Her brother hadn't been too happy at the beginning, but upon discovering that he had the same favorite Ice-hockey team as the other man, he gave them his blessing._

_She spotted Avery, who was now close to her father and emptied her last flowers from the basket to the ground. Elizabeth picked the little girl up, carefully trying to keep the puffy dress out of the way, while seating her on her own lap. Emma was giggling on Fran's lap, as her Aunt Desi kept tickling her from the side. With the team were the two little boys: Jack sitting on his own chair, his feet resting on the one he was saving for Uncle Dave, while Henry was on his father's lap, looking like he was almost asleep. _

_When David and Emily reached the front, he made a big deal out of giving her hand to her husband. He first hugged Derek, before stating a more serious manner:_

"_You know, if you'll break her heart, there will be a high class profiling team after you."_

_The room filled with laughter, while Emily hugged him as well, before the ceremony began. The couple once more vowed to stay together in good and bad times. It was hours later, when the children were all in bed and the dance floor was filled with couples, when Derek whispered in her ear:_

"_I love you, Princess."_

"_I love you too!"_

_She loosened the hug enough to be able to look around in the room. A few days ago, an old friend had contacted Derek with the offer to buy this old house. It was in a beautiful location and fit right in. The original structure and room planning was perfect for their needs, now that the two little girls took up his former spare rooms and they needed more space._

"_So do you think this would be worth the work?"_

"_Definitely…," she turned to look through the old windows into the backyard._

"_I sense a 'but'?" He rested his head on her shoulder, while following her glance outside. The old trees would be perfect for a swing and the yard was big enough for some other playground toys and football games, if needed._

"_But it is a lot of work and will need some time."_

"_I can get it done within a year or two, early enough for the girls to enjoy their childhood here." He stated in a matter of fact. She didn't care to point out to him that he had now a lot less time on his hands for this project than he used to have, before Avery had come into his life._

_Instead, she turned around with a small grimace, wrapping her arms around his neck._

"_Mr. Morgan, I'm afraid we don't have a year or two, unless you are planning on giving up our bedroom."_

_Derek held her glance, not sure, what she was talking about. It had been two months since their wedding celebration and everything was going great for them. This new house would be perfect for them, besides the time investment it would need. Even with the girls, they would still have spare rooms for his family to come into town. _

"_I just took a test this morning and it looks like we are turning Emma into a big sister within the next seven month."_

"_Are you serious?" She didn't miss the spark of excitement in his eyes._

_She nodded softly as she watched the smile on his lips grow wider. Slowly the realization hit him and then he couldn't stop himself from picking her up. Emily let out a little squeal, when he started spinning in a circle with her._

_Finally, he set her back down, not without stealing a kiss from her lips._

"_It will be a boy, right?"_

_She laughed, as she saw the hope flicker over his face. She knew that he was already planning the baby's football career, should it turn out to be a boy. Emily really hoped that she was expecting a boy, just so Derek would get his fair share of man support in their household._

"_We will see."_

_He smiled: "I love you, Emily."_

"Emily!"

Garcia had seen the smile form on her unconscious friend's lips and couldn't resist trying again to wake her. Indeed this time the soft voice seemed to reach her, and Emily slowly began to fight against the darkness. She wanted to open her eyes, but it seemed unnaturally hard. When she finally forced them open, she had to close them again, against the bright light from the lights above her. The brunette blinked a couple of times, before her eyes were able to adjust.

"I'm so glad you are awake."

Penelope was seated on a chair next to her bed.

"What happened?"

Emily barely recognized her own voice, as it sounded hoarse and her throat hurt with every word she forced over her lips.

"You passed out, after they got you out of that warehouse. Rossi said it was right when they drove off with Derek." Garcia's voice slowly faded out with the last few words.

Emily seemed to pale even more listening to the words and suddenly remembering what had happened within the last few hours.

"Is he…" She chocked on the words, finally, she glanced at her friend, hoping to get an answer without finishing the question.

"He is in surgery. Reid is waiting for news; everyone else is still helping to process the warehouse. They had quite the body count and people are asking questions." The quirky tech didn't sound too happy with the situation. She couldn't understand how the dead criminals were more important to the officials than Derek and Emily.

"How long was I out?"

"A few hours. You have some cracked ribs and pretty bad bruises and cutting wounds, at least that is was the doctor says."

"I need to see Derek." Emily swung her legs over the edge of the bed, before Garcia could even process her words, but she then jumped up as well.

"You can't see him right now. He is still in surgery."

"I need to…" The true impact of the blonde's words wasn't getting through to her.

Penelope had no choice but to press her back into the cushions of her bed.

"I will be the first one to get you a wheelchair, when he is out of surgery, but right now…" She had to take a deep breath, the words blurring over her lips faster than she could think, "Right now you need to rest, because you almost died today."

Her voice had risen to the level of hysteria, by the time she had finished the sentence and the two women stared at each in silence.

Emily then reached for her friend and they pulled each other into a much-needed hug, with tears streaming down their cheeks.


	10. Holding onto the pieces

Hello Everyone, I apologize for taking this long to post. Hopefully I will have some time to write now that my finals are over, and hopefully posting will be faster again. To warn you, next weekend I'm travelling, so don't be waiting. Thank you to all of you who have been reviewing and reading. I love the support! Thanks to lovelover123 for the beta read.

**Holding onto the pieces**

It had taken a few hours before they had received word on Derek's condition and then it wasn't good. The doctors had been able to stabilize him, but at the cost of putting him into a coma for the time being. Too many injuries at once had worn his body out and now it needed time to heal. Everyone knew Derek wouldn't like it, when he woke up. He hated deskwork and the way the doctors saw it, he would be at a desk for the next few months.

Emily had been released a few days after the rescue, but she still spent all her time in the hospital. Most of the time she just stared at him, but although the doctors recommended it, she didn't speak to him. She was too afraid that her voice would stop him from waking up, since it was her fault at large that he was in the coma. The last words they had exchanged had been cold, as his anger had hit a high. She wasn't kidding herself when it came to her future. She wouldn't fight a divorce, since he didn't have a clue who he had gotten married to. It was his right to regret his decision. When it came to their daughters, she hoped she would be able to see them every once in a while, but at the same time she felt like she had failed them as well and didn't deserve to be close to them anymore. However, with her daughters still in safety, Derek wouldn't know the difference, so she was hanging onto her old life as long as she possibly could.

It had been several weeks since the show down with Doyle and the FBI was slowly putting the puzzle together, although Interpol wasn't very cooperative about the situation. Of course them putting the pieces together also meant that they realized how highly criminal her actions had been, when she had been trying to protect her family.

"Mrs. Morgan, please answer the question!"

She snapped out of her thoughts and stared at the agent from internal affairs. There was a lot to explain. Fahey had sung like a bird during the few hours in custody of the FBI. His cooperation did not only affect Doyle and his crew, but he had also told several people how Lauren had blown away his ear without thinking twice about it. Internal affairs were not amused about that incident; neither were they agreeing with her policy of self-protection. They did not care that she was trying to protect not only her family, but also her team family. Involving them would have done more harm than good, but nobody seemed to understand.

Emily sighed: "Can you repeat the question?"

The agent made a note, before glancing at her.

"How did you know where to find Doyle?"

Her eyes wandered to Clyde Easter, who was leaning against the far wall to observe the interrogation for Interpol. He gave her a small nod concerning the clearance question.

"His son died there."

"How do you know this?"

She saw out of the corner of her eyes as Clyde's expression changed. He was definitely worried she would have to give away secure details, but she wasn't stupid. There had been times when she wasn't only paid for lying, but her life depended on it.

"Someone showed me the crime scene pictures after they were found." She wasn't going to tell the agent what really happened to Declan, although that was something she would probably have to deal with now.

"Correct me, if I'm wrong, but I thought that all file access is denied to the agents after they handed it in for their own protection."

"I took care of that little boy for almost a year like he was my own. I think I had a right to know he died."

Another note was scribbled down and she assumed it was not positive, as her tone had turned harsh. However, Emily couldn't care less. Her thoughts were wandering off again. The thought of the little boy had brought the image of her three little girls into her mind.

"I recommend you get to the point gentlemen." Hotch's voice was formal but cold as he stepped closer to the table. He was Emily's legal support, since that was the only way for him to get into the room. Her attention went to her former boss for a moment, but she then looked back at the agent.

"The government spent a lot of money on the Witness Protection for your family to keep you out of this trouble, but somehow we now have to add the costs for the SWAT and the clean-up at the warehouse. You didn't only risk your own life, but almost got your husband killed as well and all for the feeling of revenge."

Both Hotch and Clyde stepped forward seeing Emily tense and curl her hands into fists, ready to jump into the other agents face. Her glare was cold and there was no understanding. They were surprised when her tone was calm, as she began to speak.

"I gave up two years of my life to play family with a criminal for the government you just mentioned. We got rid of one off the most dangerous men so you could sleep at night. I had to rebuild my identity, because after two years of playing Lauren Reynolds there wasn't much of Emily Prentiss left. I was finally able to put my life back together and lucky enough to find someone, who really loved me." The tears started welling in her eyes, as she licked over her lips.

"Until three months ago, I was a normal woman, but then they called me and said the criminal had escaped. I think after spending over a year with Doyle and considering that three out of the five members from my team are dead now; my judgment of putting my family in witness protection was good. Believe me I did not want Derek in that warehouse. I didn't ask him to show up and I didn't want the team to do that either."

She took a deep breath, trying to control her emotions: "I went there to end everything the way it started, between Doyle and me. I went in there to die, so I could prevent all of this from happening."

A few tears escaped the corner of her eyes: "I told Doyle again and again to kill me and leave my family alone, but somehow criminals don't listen."

"Emily." She could feel Hotch's hand on her shoulder.

"Next time I'll deal with someone like that I make sure to clean up, after he put my husband into a coma, so the government doesn't have any extra costs. Now if you'll excuse me, I would like to go back to the hospital and make sure he is still okay."

The Internal Affairs agent held her stare for a moment, before his eyes flickered to his folder.

"I suppose we can finish another time."

She stood and was almost out the door, when he spoke again: "There is a bag with your husband's belongings we found, if you want to take them home."

Emily stopped, but she didn't turn around.

"It's just outside on the cart."

She nodded, before she opened the door and escaped the interrogation that threatened to break the pieces of her heart into even smaller parts. Her eyes fell on the small paper bag that was filled with things belonging to her family. She didn't even notice how Clyde closed the door to prevent the agent from leaving and murmured a quiet: "May I have a word."

Her hands found the edge of the bag and she dumped the contents on the cart.

"You don't have to do this right now."

Quietly Rossi had stepped to her side. He watched as her fingers wandered over Derek's wallet and phone, before they touched the gun Doyle's men had taken from him.

"I heard that someone sent him all our information to his phone and he went from there. He was just a few hours ahead of us. It's amazing what love can do, when it comes to the speed of profiling." David knew she would ask for the information, so he could as well give it to her.

"I wish he wasn't so good in his job," she quietly admitted, as her hands traced the FBI vest Doyle had shown her just a few weeks ago in the dark warehouse. "He would be safe with the girls."

"And you would most likely be dead. I cannot see how that is better."

She turned enough to eye her friend for a moment, before her attention was caught by something else. Emily took in a labored breath as he took hold of the little duck and elephant that belong to her two older daughters. She had no idea, why Derek would have her daughter's most prized possessions, but they gave her a strange feeling of comfort.

"Where are you staying?"

"The hospital."

He gave her a sympathetic look, putting two and two together and knowing she hadn't gotten much sleep. Dave was too smart to tell her that she needed to sleep, since he knew how stubborn she was.

"How about I give you a ride back?"

She nodded slowly, before grabbing the stuffed animals. Someone would take care of the rest she was sure. The drive back to the hospital was quiet. Since they had been rescued, Emily had only left the hospital twice. The first time she had needed clothing for Derek and herself, and the second time Internal Affairs had insisted on the interview. She was anxious to get back. The girls were still gone with their grandmother. They would not return, until the FBI closed the Doyle case officially. All Emily had to worry about was Derek.

While Rossi parked the car, she went upstairs. She could find her way to his room in her sleep. She silently slipped into the room and took in the still figure of her husband. The machines around him gave the same constant sounds as they always did. She sighed, before stepping closer to the bed and placing the toys in his hands.

"I don't know why you had them, but I guess you need them more than I do."

It was the first time she had actually spoken to him. She sank into the chair next to the bed, where she had spent most of the last weeks. Her eyes slipped from him to the window on the other side of the room. She sank back into her deep thoughts and concerns about the future. Maybe there was a second chance for them, if he woke up again. She shook her head at the thought, as she remembered the hurt look on his face when Doyle had shared all the details. Derek had no reason to take her back at any point. He was better off without her. He had always been. She had been living a nice dream, but now it was time to face the reality.

Her eyes wandered back to Derek and she let out a gasped as she stared into his open eyes. She jumped from her chair, grabbing the calling button to get someone to help him. He was clearly struggling with the breathing assistant.

"Hold on just a moment. Someone will come and get that out."

Her hand was resting on his arm and she could feel him move to bring the stuffed animal into his sight. Confusion was written all over his face as he inspected the little duck in his fingers. Emily was pushed into the background when the nurse and a doctor hurried into the room to help him with the life support.

They started talking to him, explaining about a stab wound and that he would be fine after rehab. His face was still showing the confusion over his state and he wanted to ask questions, but nobody really seemed to acknowledge his effort. His eyes wandered back to his wife and as he took in the healing bruises and cut wounds on her face, the memory suddenly came back to him.

She was holding his glance when she noticed the change in his eyes. He clearly remembered and she could see the hurt flicker, before it altered into anger. She felt herself backing away against the wall, as her hands started to feel for the door. All her predictions seemed to confirm themselves as his eyes moved to the doctor, ignoring her presence. She struggled to open the door, her eyes suddenly filling with tears she stumbled out of the room.

"Emily, what's going on?"

"He is awake." She mumbled, realization of all she had lost, suddenly hitting her.

"That is great."

She nodded, but the tears betrayed her as they started to stream down her cheeks. He pulled her into a tight hug, misinterpreting the tears for joy.

"It's all over."

"Yes, it is," he responded. Little did Rossi know that Emily was talking about something completely different from him. He didn't realize that she was talking about her relationship and life as a wife and mother, while he was happy for the family to be reunited.


	11. Healing

Hello my lovely readers. Sorry for the long wait again. I hope it was the last one. This is one of my favorite chapters once again. I loved to write about all the feelings that I have left out in the rest of the story, because Emily had to be Emily and not share any of her hardship, but now here we go. I have one question for everyone: **Should I have Declan meet her family?** I can finish the story without, but I'm still considering it. Anyway, thanks for everyone who has reviewed the story. I hope to hear your opinion on the chapter question. Oh and Happy Saturday to Lovelover123, if you have some time to edit that would be wonderful the next chapter is almost done.

**Healing**

She had been running for a long time. Her legs hurt, she was completely out of breath, and her whole body was begging her to stop. She crossed the little bridge over the lake for what felt like the thousandth time. She could feel the blisters rub against the inside of the shoes. As her body was trying to slow her down, she pushed herself to move even faster. Her vision started to become blurry, but she didn't stop. There were only a few people out by the lake this morning. Nobody felt like running in the rain as she did. Her clothing was covered in mud, her bangs soaked in water hung down on her face.

She didn't even feel the pain of her knee hitting the ground, when she finally fell. She let herself sink into the wet grass next to the sidewalk and suddenly the tears were streaming down her cheeks. The memories of the last few weeks came back to her mind. Nothing would ever be the same. She had lost all she had ever cared for. All her friends thought she had been sleeping with a criminal for information – which was accurate. Her husband knew about that and how else should he react than by disapproving? As for her little girls? She felt like she didn't deserve to be in their presence. She had almost gotten them killed a few weeks ago. Why should she ever be allowed to hold them again? Of course, Avery and Emma didn't care and came to hug her anyway, whenever she had to be at the house. Fran was still in town taking care of them for most of the time. Emily had spent most of her time at the hospital, before Derek had woken up and afterwards she took care of the girls, while her mother-in-law was with her son. Now that Derek was home, Fran took care of him there, which he probably didn't like at all.

Emily on the other hand had cut herself off. She didn't allow herself to be close to the girls, but she knew that she had to, at least sometimes. She had been better about seeing her daughters before Derek had been released from the hospital. She just couldn't face him, although she had spent every free moment by his hospital bed, before he had woken up. She had held his hand, until the moment he woke up. The moment though realization had hit him, over what had happened, she had seen the hurt in his eyes, and she couldn't face that again. Her past was not supposed to backfire that badly and it wasn't supposed to hurt the people that she loved more than anything.

The time around her seemed to stop as she let her tears flow. She could feel the cold mud against her cheek, but her eyes were too clouded with tears to take in any of her surroundings. When two strong arms wrapped around her and picked her up from the muddy ground everything in her yelled for defense mode, but the truth was she didn't have any strength left. She was surprised to feel her body come to a rest against a warm chest and finally began to blink the tears away to gain her vision back. The thing was she didn't have to open her eyes to recognize the person. One whiff of his cologne mixed with the strong scent of his body wash gave him away. Maybe it had also been the familiarity of how perfectly she fit into his arms and the feeling of belonging there.

"If you want to qualify for the marathon, I think you are good to go."

She didn't answer his remark, not sure what to say next.

"You know they still have the store where you got that duck for Avery." His eyes wandered back to the spot he had waited for the past few hours. He still couldn't run or even walk as far as he wanted, because his injury was bugging him. "We should get her a new one and throw that nasty, old one out."

"She wouldn't let us. I tried to bribe her into trading it for that doll she wanted, but as you know now she has the doll and the duck." Her eyes slowly took in their environment, as her body started to recover from her total exhaustion.

"Avery gave it to me, to give it to Mommy, before she got on the plane. She is a smart girl, knowing that you were all alone, since everyone else was with her, she figured you needed the duck more than she did."

Emily glanced up at him, as he recalled the story. She had been wondering, why the duck had been in his possession, they had found it after escaping the warehouse. Knowing the worry of her daughter, almost made her smile, but she didn't. Thinking of the little girl, reminded her of what she was going to lose and had already lost.

They sat in silence, his arms wrapped securely around her. A little bit tighter than he would in any other situation, afraid she would suddenly regain her strength and run away – as she liked to do. He tried to find a way of convincing her to come back home. It wasn't only the girls who missed her like crazy, but him as well. He had gone through many phases. When he first had woken up in the hospital, it had taken him a moment to remember how he had ended up there. Once he had remembered the anger over the whole situation had come back, especially when the doctors had told him he wouldn't be back into active duty for months. His anger had grown even further when Emily didn't come back. He didn't realize that she just assumed he wouldn't want to see her again, but thought she was once more doing it on her own. When his mom came back, she told him that Em was visiting the girls regularly, but refused to talk to her or anyone else that could possibly talk sense into her. Once he had been released from the hospital she stopped visiting the girls as well, which made him even angrier.

It had taken him over a week to get over his anger and finally it had been his mother, who talked sense into him. _"Do you love her?" _He had responded with a weak nod, not wanting to admit how much he really wanted his life to reset back to the pre-Doyle state. _"Well then make her understand that and bring her home."_ He was allowed back into the office for paperwork a few hours every day to give him a chance of getting out of the house and that was when he found out that Rossi had convinced her to live in his guest room, rather than in a hotel. According to Dave though, she wasn't talking to him either. He only knew that she was crying herself to sleep at night, just to wake up from nightmares a few hours later.

Thinking of that made him tighten his arms around her even more. He drew her closer against his chest, but felt when she suddenly tensed, as if she realized what she was doing. He felt her push away from him, but wasn't willing to let go.

"We need to talk about this."

"What is there to talk about?" She won the struggle and finally sat freely, staring at her hand, which he had grabbed so she couldn't run away.

"Come home." He didn't know where the words came from, but it was the only thing that felt right to say.

"I can't." Her voice was barely a whisper.

"You haven't seen our daughters in weeks, if you don't want to be with me anymore at least be their mother. They need you."

"I can't." She looked up long enough to catch his glance and looking into her brown eyes, he suddenly realized what had happen. He remembered back, before they had started dating she had started to push him away, of fear she didn't deserve him. Her eyes were telling him that she was doing exactly the same thing now.

"Emily, I love you."

"I almost got you and the girls killed."

"But we are alive and now we need you."

"You are better off without me."

"No I'm not. I'm miserable without you. Yes, I was angry, but that doesn't change that I want you back in my life. Doyle just really knew what buttons to push; no man likes to hear about his wife's former relationships."

"It wasn't a relationship."

He stared at her, surprised that she actually offered to speak about Doyle. He saw her struggle and wanted to tell her that she didn't have to talk about it, but the truth was he wanted to hear what she had to say. He was sick of making up his own stories in his mind from what Doyle had told him and he really needed to hear her side.

"At the beginning they only told me that I needed to go deep under cover. Get close to him like no one else ever did." She took her glance of their hands and stared to the lake. "After a while Clyde told me that I needed to get in deeper. Flirting was not going to get me in. Doyle didn't have enough trust in anyone."

Emily glanced over to him, but hurried to look away again. "I wasn't in a relationship; in fact I hadn't been on any dates in years, so there was no reason for me not to do it." She shuddered at the thought of Doyle touching her for the first time. "I don't think I realized what I got myself into until I was in a room with him and nobody else was there."

She closed her eyes as the moments flashed before her. "The crazy thing was that it felt good to be loved by someone, although I knew who he was. I think he was the first person who ever really loved me or at least the part of me, who played Lauren and it felt good."

"A lot of people love you, Emily."

She shook her head: "Not back then, I didn't know the team yet. The things that happened to me during high school, I was careful to let anyone close and soon I was the one person nobody wanted to be close to anymore. Clyde might have been flirting with me, but he was just using me for the mission at that point."

She drew in a labored breath as she thought back at the weird feeling of being happier in a criminal's presence than in anyone else's.

"You asked if I was in love with him…" She felt his hand tighten around hers and couldn't help but smile over his protectiveness. "I think I was in love with the idea of being loved. I enjoyed him worrying about me, protecting me, and loving me." She swallowed.

Emily would never say it aloud, but the things she had enjoyed about her time with Doyle, were also the things she loved about Derek. He made her feel like the most important person in the world and protected her because of that. She even found the possessive trait attractive, because it affirmed to her that he would always be by her side.

"Don't let him win Emily. He wanted to break you and watching you run, makes clear that he got pretty darn close to it."

"He won in the warehouse."

"No he didn't!"

Again, all her energy seemed to leave her, as she remembered the cold stare Derek had given her in the warehouse. "He won when he mentioned the ring. I saw it in your eyes."

He looked back at her, seeing the self-protecting walls come back up, as she spoke her last words. He had to admit that he hadn't tried to hide his anger and disappointment, when Doyle had shared that intimate fact. It was hard to hear that she might have actually enjoyed being with that man. The worst part had been that he had never heard any of it before and taking care of someone's child, seemed important enough to him. At that point, no logical argument, about her oath would have convinced him otherwise.

Today, however, he knew the whole story. His perspective had changed as she had told Declan's story to Doyle. He suddenly realized that she had done all of it to protect the little boy from the bad his father's world would bring to him. Also hearing her perspective, of not feeling loved up to that point, gave him some clarity over her feelings.

"He didn't win Emily." His hand was suddenly on her cheek, forcing her to look him into the eyes. "It hurt hearing that you had to keep all of this from me and it took me a while to understand why it had to be that way, but Doyle didn't win."

He watched as she tried to shake her head and continued, "Remember how you were telling him what you did for Declan?" He studied her face for a moment.

"At first I thought you had lost it for provoking him that much, but when you kept telling the story, I was proud of you. I still am proud of you Emily. Knowing that you saved that little boy from more hardship, I realized that you are still the person that I fell in love with."

Her eyes were still filled with doubt. "When Doyle told me all the things about your past, I thought I had never known you, but the truth is he never knew who you are. He saw what he needed and wanted to see, but for us you are the real Emily. The one who gives her life for her children and protects them by all means. The one who is to stubborn to get help when she needs it. The one I am in love with."

She kept staring at him, her eyes filling with more tears. She had expected him to break it off. Take custody for the girls and never wanting to see her again, but instead he was telling her how much he was in love with her.

"Emily, don't let him win, after he is dead. Come home and we will figure everything else out."

"I need time."

"So do I, but we can do this."

His eyes were pleading with her now and finally she nodded ever so slightly to agree.


	12. The Feeling of Home

Hello my lovelies. Thank you so much for the reviews and sorry that I have gone back to not posting in forever. Life just keeps all of us busy right? Anyway here is the next part. Thanks to your reviews I did write a Declan part, which will come next. It ended up being quite long, so is the part after it, but to warn you its almost over. So if anyone has a fabulous idea for a Demily story that they would like to see written out, feel free to let me know. I'm open for suggestions.

Thanks to lovelover123 for proofreading. :)

Anyway Happy Reading.

**The Feeling of Home**

The car came to a seemingly abrupt stop, as he had turned into their driveway. Ever since he had picked her up at Rossi's place Emily had been lost in deep thought. After talking to her husband in the park, he had taken her back to their friend's mansion. Although she had agreed to come back home, she hadn't felt ready yet and Derek had decided to give her that space. She had spent the past days thinking about the whole situation, but couldn't force herself to call him. It was still hard for her to see why he would want her back at home. Then of course, there was Fran. Her mother-in-law had been more of a mother to her over past years than her own mother her whole life and that made it so hard. Emily felt like she had disappointed the older woman and didn't deserve her trust and love anymore. After all Fran had allowed her to marry her baby boy and that was probably the greatest honor of all. She glanced over at her husband, unsure of how to proceed any further. She knew that her daughters and Fran were behind the closed door and the anxiety from the past weeks crept back into her. Pictures from her nightmares flashed before her eyes.

_She was sitting on the floor of the dark warehouse. Her little daughter was in her arms, but although she looked like a sleeping angel, Emily knew she wasn't breathing anymore. Her eyes wandered over to her husband's lifeless figure. "No." Her whisper was barely auditable. She stumbled to her feet carrying her little girl in her arms. As she came to Derek, she saw her other daughters next to him. "No." The scream came across her lips as she sank down next to her family._

_"Emily." She turned, expecting to see help behind her, but the warehouse was still empty. "Emily." Her arms were shaking and slowly the warehouse faded away._

_"No, Derek." She cried, trying to get back with her family._

_"Emily, he is alright." Her eyes snapped open. They were filled with fear and terror as she stared up at her friend._

_"He is alright, Bambina." Rossi's reassuring voice filled the room and she slowly took in her surroundings. The room was put together in the same elegant style as every other room in the Rossi mansion._

_Her eyes wandered back to the older man, as the nightmare was replaced with reality. She saw the loving fatherly gaze on her and couldn't help but allow her eyes to fill with tears._

_"Come here." He opened his arms as she pulled up in the bed and began to weep. His hand gently caressed her back and he let her cry. Dave was glad she finally opened up enough to cry in front of him at least. He had watched her with worry for the past weeks, but she wouldn't allow him to help her._

_When the tears ceased Emily leaned back in her bed, staring at the closet across the room. When she began to speak Rossi didn't interrupt her. Her feelings spilled over her lips so fast that she almost couldn't keep up with herself. She recalled the events from her past, as well as what did happen in the warehouse. Finally, she told him about her meeting with Derek in the park a few days earlier._

_"I just don't understand why he still loves me."_

_"Because you are not as horrible of a person you tell yourself, Emily." Rossi had simply listened to her, but now he felt the need to speak up. She needed to hear it out loud or she would lose more to Doyle than necessary. "Take it slow. Give each other a chance to adjust to the new situation. You are never going to find out if it can still work, if you don't give it a try."_

It had been the next morning when she had texted Derek that she was ready to try. The door next to her opened and she realized that he had already gotten her bag from the trunk. His glance was worried and somehow it made her smile. She stepped out of the car and made a few steps towards the house, before slowing down, waiting for him to go first. He did her the favor and opened the door. He could hear Avery and Emma play in the living room and gestured towards his wife to go in, while he headed to the kitchen to check on his mother.

It took all of Emily's willpower to open the door towards the family room. The girls were playing with their toys between the couches. She smiled as Avery instructed her younger sister on how to play their made up game. At her young age, she already was a leader and had as much willpower as her parents. Only that Emma didn't agree with the game. The toddler was just making up her own game and did not care what her older sister thought. As she grabbed the toy off the table and wandered off, Avery ran after her to get it back.

"No Emi." She pulled at the stuffed animal, causing Emma to let out an angry cry.

"Avery, let her have it."

The girls stopped their fight, both looking at their mother. It only took a moment for them to comprehend, but then both ran towards her. Avery made it first as her legs were carrying her faster and swung herself into her mom's arms. Emma came to a stop hugging her legs, causing Emily to kneel.

"I missed you Mommy."

"I missed you too Baby." Avery was too happy to remind her that she wasn't a baby anymore, like she usually did. Emma just snuggled into her arms, as her language skills weren't developed far enough.

"I colored a picture for you. It has you in it, and me, and Daddy, and Emma, and Katie, and Grandma." Avery caught her breath, before continuing. "And Sergio."

"Of course we can't forget Sergio." Emily smiled. She had bought the cat for the children when they had come home with Fran. He was only a little kitten, but the girls adored him. When she had bought the cat, Emily had wanted them to have something from her, when Derek and she got divorced. Now, she would have to deal with a cat added to her small children.

"I will show you." Off ran the little girl to find the picture. As she came to the door, she ran into her father, who came from the kitchen. "Daddy!" She immediately lifted her hands to be picked up. "Mommy is back home."

Emily froze when she saw the pain shimmer on his face as he bent to get their daughter. He might have been back to work, but he was nowhere close to healthy again. The thoughts of the warehouse came back, him lying on the ground with the table leg in his stomach. He caught her in the stare, and his smile changed to a worried glance.

He didn't ask her, if she was okay, because he knew she wasn't and that she would probably not answer him with the truth anyway. He set Avery back down, not without grimacing again and saw her flinch as he did so.

"It's not your fault."

Avery looked between her parents, not understanding what was going on.

"Just give me a minute." Emily knew that she had to fight the thoughts and the blame if she wanted to make this work.

"Okay. Girls, how about you put your toys upstairs, dinner is almost ready."

Avery gave him a disapproving look, but didn't dare to complain. She gathered her stuffed animals and handed some to Emma as well. Moments later, Derek was accompanying them up the stairs. Emily leaned against the back of the couch and took a deep breath. This would be a lot harder than she had ever thought. Dealing with feelings had never been something she was good at doing. She would much rather run away from them. This one time however, she couldn't run again. There was too much at stake.

Taking another minute, she got back up and made her way into the kitchen. Fran was busy checking the food in the oven and didn't turn around. In a way, Emily was glad for the small extra moment. Her eyes had caught sight of her youngest and she walked over to the swing on the table. Her baby was five months old now and the fun age of keeping track of her as well would begin soon. The baby cooed as she recognized her mom and Em carefully touched the rosy cheek.

"She truly is Mommy's little girl." Fran had stepped behind her, looking at her granddaughter. "Emma and Avery adore you, but this one missed you just a little bit more."

"Wait until she eats real food and can run after Daddy, she might change her mind."

Fran laughed keeping her gaze on the little girl: "It's good to have you back."

Emily swallowed hard at the honest statement. She forced herself to meet her mother-in-laws loving eyes and couldn't help the tears to come back up. She hurried to blink them away, but Fran didn't miss them.

"Oh Sweetheart. It's okay to cry. It's okay to struggle and you are not the only one who does."

"But I'm the one who caused all of this." She had wanted to keep Fran out of it, but something in the other woman made her emotions break free. It was probably the motherly love that broke through all of her defenses as if they didn't exist.

"When you went undercover all those years ago, did you know that one day this man would come back to hurt your family?"

"No."

"Was it you who threatened your family?"

"No, but…"

"Was it you, who stabbed Derek?"

"No, but Fran, I…" Once again, she was cut off.

"Was it you, who was willing to die to protect this family?"

Emily looked back into the older woman's eyes. Her mind was telling her that she was influenced by reverse psychology, but somehow it worked and she slowly nodded her yes.

"Then there is no reason to blame yourself. You and Derek made your decisions and I made mine when I agreed to leave without my son. I knew he would get himself into trouble by doing what he was planning, if anyone was to blame than it would be me, for allowing him to follow you." Fran's eyes now showed the first sign of tears, as she remembered walking into the hospital to visit her son, after finally returning to D.C.

"But I had to let him go, Emily, because if I had had the chance to help my husband survive that shooting, I would have taken it. I would have died for him just like you were willing to sacrifice yourself for your family and just like Derek wanted to protect you."

Both women had tears running down their faces. "Him taking that stab was his way of showing how much he loves you, not to blame you. Don't you think he would have just stayed out of it, if he had given up on your relationship? It would have been so much easier."

"All of this doesn't change that he got hurt, because of my past."

"No it doesn't, but it changes who to blame."

Emily glanced back at her daughter who found her toes very amusing now. Fran followed her glance, before she added one last thought.

"You know, in a way a part of you did die in that warehouse. It was the part, who had to keep secrets from her husband. The part, who had never planned on having a family and therefore took the risk, but what is more important is the part who survived. The woman, who loves her husband and daughters more than anything and can finally live free again, survived."

Em didn't know how to respond to this. She knew that it was true and she liked the thought of that. She was finally able to burry Lauren and start over. Nobody would ever come again to hunt her.

"I just need time to adjust."

"You have all the time you need, Sweetheart. I needed years to adjust after Michael died. With all you went through, it would surprise me, if you were already okay."

Emily gave her a small nod and willingly accepted the offered hug.

"Just know that we are all here for you. We are here to help you adjust."

The women stood in their embrace for a while, before Fran pulled away and moved back to the stove.

"Now, I believe I have some children and grandchildren to feet."

Em followed her to the stove, but Fran shook her head.

"I got it covered here. Would you mind setting the table?"

A few minutes later the family was reunited around the dinner table. Avery was eagerly eating the Casserole, while Emma made it a game to choose between several pieces placed on her plate, by touching them all. Katie was happy in her seat accepting the baby food Em was offering her. By the time, dinner was over and the table was cleared, it was bedtime for the children. After all of them were in their beds, Fran excused herself to give the couple some time on their own.

Derek had gone back downstairs to lock the doors and grab her bag that he had left behind in the hallway. When he came back to the second floor, he saw his wife standing in their bedroom door. As he came closer, he could see her lost stare. His heart ached when he watched her struggle. He slowly stepped closer.

"I can take the couch, if you rather not stay in the same bed."

She glanced at him. Part of her wanted to fall asleep in his arms, but the other part remembered that they wanted to take it slow. Finally, she took hold of the bag in his hand.

"I'll take the couch, you are still hurt."

He was going to argue, but she was already heading down the hallway to the other bathroom. He gave a sigh, before entering their bedroom. This would be a long way to get back to normal. Moving back home seemed to be a bigger step to her than he had expected. He quickly changed his bandage, before heading to bed. As he fell asleep, he was wondering if she was doing all right downstairs, not knowing that she was fighting the sleep, afraid the nightmares would come back.

It was very early in the morning, when he woke up from something cold coming to rest next to him. He opened his eyes and was surprised to find the dark hair of his wife on the pillow. He was going to let it go, not wanting to push her, but then heard her quiet sob.

"Princess, what's wrong?"

Her hands went to her face to wipe the tears away, before she turned. She was trying to come up with an excuse, but he saw past her façade, before she could put it on. Her eyes were full of fear.

"You had a nightmare, didn't you?"

Her eyes widened in surprise.

"Rossi mentioned you had them." Somehow, Emily wasn't surprised by his answer and in a way she even thanked her friend for keeping an eye out for her. "And I have them too." Derek then admitted.

"It was different." She finally confessed, as she stared at him through the dark.

"How?"

"It started off the same. He was torturing you and the girls, but somehow I got a hold of the gun and he couldn't kill you."

Derek's hand moved to her cheek, carefully wiping the tears away.

"Sounds like a happy ending to me."

Her eyes were still filled with uncertainty, but he gave her a small smile. His hand slit down her arm and came to rest on top of hers, before intertwining his fingers with hers.

"Now let's work on the happily ever after."

When they fell back asleep their hands were still in each other's, and they both wore the same peaceful smile. For the first time in weeks, they would both wake up without any more nightmares.


	13. A little blonde boy

Next part I apologize for mistakes, it will be fixed, but I figured you rather have a new part, who is not yet Beta read, than no new part. I also want to clarify that I do not want to offend anyone with Declan's comment about France. It's just a young boy, who doesn't like traveling, talking. It is a really long part, so I think it's making up for the long wait. Thanks for the reviews and Happy Reading!

**A little blonde boy**

_It was one of the busiest times in the Morgan household. At nighttime, Katie was usually the least of the difficulties, as the baby fell asleep in her swing. Her older sisters on the other side had to be bathed, wanted to hear a story and be kissed goodnight. Emma had a tendency to fall asleep before the story was over, but her older sister refused to close her eyes. Having your phone ring during this time was never a good thing, but finally Emily went ahead to answer the call._

_Derek and Fran had taken care of the bedtime story, and were finally able to settle even the oldest down. While his mother went to bed, mainly to give the couple some private time, he went back downstairs to look for his wife. He found her in the living room. Out of the corner of his eyes, he noticed that the safe was open. His pace got slower as he came closer to her. She sat on the floor leaning against the front of the couch. In front of her was a small assortment of pictures. He stood silently behind the couch, his eyes on her back. The pictures showed a little blonde boy, sometimes alone, sometimes with a woman or with a middle-aged man. He noticed how the boy had grown older on some of the pictures._

"_Derek, meet Declan."_

_He snapped out of his thoughts, as her voice interrupted the silence of the night. His brown eyes still on the pictures, he started to walk around the couch and crouched down beside her._

"_Declan, as of…"_

"_Declan Doyle, yes." She glanced at him. "Well he has Tom's last name now."_

"_Who is Tom?" Derek picked up one of the pictures on the ground._

"_An old friend of mine. He helped me back then, when I needed to hide Declan and adopted him."_

"_Generous."_

_Emily regarded her husband, who was still looking at pictures. They had never really talked about Declan, after they escaped from Doyle. Derek knew about the boy, but while they had to fix their marriage and figure out their daily life again, Declan had slipped both their minds. She had known that the boy was safe where he was with his new father._

"_At first, he offered to take Dec and Louise in, until it was safe for them to live somewhere else, but then they were there so long that…" She trailed off. It had been a surprise to her when Tom had started talking about adoption. Especially, since Emily had originally wanted adopt the little boy._

"_Declan started calling him dad, like any other boy his age did with the man in his life and he was happy. We decided it would be best, if he could stay there and Louise would stay his nanny, until he started boarding school."_

"_And you were okay with that?"_

_Emily shook her head softly. He moved to sit next to her and pulled her towards him, until her head came to rest on his shoulder._

"_I wanted to adopt him, but I couldn't at that point. The connection was still too obvious. I didn't have a stable job. He was happy with Tom. So I ignored the fact that I lost him and took the job at the BAU. Tom sent me pictures and invited me to birthday parties."_

"_Would you have taken the BAU job, if you had Declan with you?"_

_She turned her head to be able to look at him: "I don't think so. I hated my mother for her habit of traveling all the time."_

_He sat next to her silently, until he realized that her questioning eyes bore into him._

"_I was just thinking, something good came from that decision than. We would have never met, if you had adopted Declan."_

"_I know." She picked up one of the pictures that had been taken right after his move to the United States. "They were in Europe, where Tom was stationed for the past year. That's why I never worried about him, while all this happened."_

"_But they are coming home now." Derek guessed. There had to be a reason for Emily to go through her pictures and he assumed the phone call had to do with it._

"_They are back in Virginia for now. Tom invited me to come and see them this weekend."_

"_Does he know about your family?"_

"_I mentioned to him when we got married and probably Emma and Avery."_

_Derek nodded his eyes still on the pictures of the small boy._

"_I don't think Declan remembers, who I am, other than Emily. Thankfully he doesn't have much memory of his time with Ian."_

"_That makes it easier." He studied her, as she closed her eyes, deep in thought. "Are you going to go?"_

"_I need to tell Tom about Doyle…"_

"_Probably a good idea to let him know, that his sons father is gone for good."_

"_Yeah…"_

_Derek wasn't sure what thoughts were going through her mind, but she looked so far away that he wanted to give her a chance to think it through. She obviously had many things to become clear with and he didn't see a way of helping her with it. Finally, he pressed a kiss to her cheek and got up. He was half way out of the room, when her voice sounded behind him._

"_You are coming with me, right?"_

_He was surprised by that request. He was used to her solving her problems on her own and he wasn't going to pressure her into letting him come. He might have another time, after she explained herself to Tom._

"_He said Declan has his first soccer game of the season, so you and the girls could just come."_

"_If you want us too."_

"_Yes."_

Derek had forgotten how hard it was to travel with three little girls, without his mom. Fran was going to spend a free day with shopping and seeing some of the sights in D.C. Her son on the other hand found himself at the sideline of a soccer field. His wife stood a few feet away with the larger stroller that held their younger daughters. One of which was asleep, the other taking in the new surroundings. Avery stood next to him, holding his hand.

"He is over there, no. 15." Emily gestured toward the other side of the field, where a, not so little anymore, blonde boy just kicked the ball.

"Looks like he knows what he is doing."

"Soccer was always his best. He does decent in Basketball and Football, but this is what he is good in."

Derek rolled his eyes. She did sound just a little bit like one of the other proud moms, who were sitting on the ranks. He wasn't surprised though. He knew how much she still loved Declan, although she had moved on to having her own family. The boy was the one part about Lauren that she never needed to regret.

"Emily!"

The couple turned to the voice of a dark haired man, who came down from one of the bleachers. Close behind him was an older woman, who had a nervous look on her face. If Derek guessed right that was probably Louise.

"Tom." She hugged her old friend, before moving to Louise and pulling her into a tight hug.

"Are you sure this is safe?" The whisper of the woman was quiet enough that only Emily could hear it. She nodded softly to comfort Louise, before she turned towards her husband.

"Derek, these are Declan's dad, Tom, and his nanny, Louise. Well I suppose he doesn't need a nanny anymore." She smirked, as she glanced back to the tall boy on the soccer field. "This is my husband, Derek."

"It's good to meet you." The two men shook hands, but Louise just gave a soft nod. Living with a high-end criminal like Ian Doyle had left her careful to trust or get close to anyone, even eight years later. She wanted to take care of Declan and live her life in peace.

"And these must be your little girls. I only seem to remember Avery and Emma." Tom's eyes were first on the two older children, before they wandered to the seat in the stroller, which Katie currently used for her nap. "You didn't tell us that you added another one to your family."

"You went oversea, just before we found out about her and when you were done moving, we had to move to make room for her." Emily's watchful eyes were on her own children now. "And if I recall correctly, you had been unavailable, once we had settled down again." Somehow either one of them had always been busy within the last year and a half.

"This is Katelynn." Derek finally jumped in, as Tom and Emily seemed to start a silent discussion through their stares. By now, Tom had figured out that something bad must have happened, while he and his family had been in Europe for his assignment.

"What a lovely name."

Derek kneeled down, as Avery demanded to have a quiet discussion with her daddy. She had seen a playground not too far away, and found the soccer game and talking of the adults rather boring. He wasn't sure if that was a good idea, as he had come to meet Declan and that still hadn't happened. The whistle on the field interrupted his thoughts. When he looked back up, the boys came running to their parents.

"Louise, you came."

"Of course, Sweetheart." Derek smirked as he saw the roll of the young boys' eyes. He obviously hated the nickname, but was too polite to tell the woman, who had raised him.

"I saw some good shots there. If you work a little bit more on your long passes, I think we will have a state champion around us soon." Tom greeted his son with a high five. "You remember, my friend?"

Declan's eyes wandered to Emily. "It's Lauren, right?"

All of the four adults tensed at the name, but Em was the one to recover first. "Almost, I'm Emily."

The boy grinned: "I wasn't even close. Sorry Ma'am."

"Please call me Emily or Em. Ma'am makes me sound like I'm my own mother."

Derek smirked, as he stood back up, Avery tightly clinging to him. His wound was still bugging him, with the extra weight, but he smiled it away.

"Well you are a mother, right?" Declan pointed towards the stroller, which had Derek choke on his suppressed laughter. He already liked the boy and he could see why his wife had such a soft spot for him.

"Yes. Declan meet my husband, Derek." She turned slightly, to watch them shake hands and exchange the standards questioning about their well-being. "And Avery is usually not that shy."

"The baby is cute." Dec had taken a look at the sleeping child, although he was a boy and didn't really care for babies, he knew how to be polite.

"I'm sure Katie appreciates the compliment." Derek smirked. "The young lady in front of her is Emma."

The boy nodded, before turning back to his father: "I know you said we had company, but can I go to Mason's house and just come home for dinner? His parents said that would be fine."

Tom's eyes were on Emily immediately. After all, he had wanted his son home, mainly so she could spend some time with him. When she caught his eyes, she just shrugged.

"Okay, but make sure they drop you off by five. We will have dinner early."

Declan nodded, before he ran off to find his friend. Emily stared after him, just a moment longer than it would been needed, before looking back to her family and friends.

"When did he grow up, so much?"

"I wish he would stop." It was the first time, Derek actually heard Louise speak with her thick Irish accent, and he smiled. He had caught himself in the same thought when it came to Avery or even Emma. It seemed like yesterday, when both of them had been babies.

"Well, how about you follow me back to our house?"

Emily nodded and they went back to the cars. It took them more time to put their girls back into their seats and put the stroller in the trunk, than the actual drive. When they stopped in the carefully cared for driveway the couple sat in the car for a moment, neither of them moving.

"Declan is a great boy."

"I know." Her eyes were on Tom, who had just exited his car.

"I'm proud of you."

"I had nothing to do with it." She grabbed the handle to open the door, when he caught her other hand.

"Emily, look at me." At first, she refused, but finally she decided it wasn't a good setting for a fight and gave him her best glare instead. "You might not have raised him, but remember what would have happened to Declan, if you hadn't brought him to live with Tom. You had EVERYTHING to do with who he is today and you should be proud of it."

"I just wish…" She trailed off, as Tom came closer.

"Doyle would have found him, if he had lived with you and there would have been no team to come and safe you."

She nodded softly, realizing the truth of his words. A small smile came to her lips, when he brought her hand to his lips and placed a soft kiss into her palm.

"Are you two coming?" Tom now stood right in front of their car. The next few hours were spend with Emily recalling the events of Doyle returning into her life. Louise had fled the room as soon as the criminals name had sounded. She had found Derek in the living room, playing with the older girls and offered to watch them, so he could be by Emily's side to recall the story.

All that seemed to have happened, while he was 12 hours of flying time away, had stunned Tom. Whenever Louise had been worried of a return of her former boss, he had told her he was in a highly secure prison and there was no reason to worry. Emily had assured him that Doyle was gone for good, as were the top three of his counselors and friends.

It had taken awhile for Tom to collect his thoughts, but as he realized that everything was finally over, he had started to tell them about their time in Europe. The fact that Declan seemed to have had a first love interest in the daughter of an US Ambassador, shocked Emily, which in turn amused Derek. There were also successful memberships in soccer and other sports clubs and excellent grades, besides his language classes. The boy seemed to despise learning a new language for his father's assignment.

Declan calling to be picked up finally interrupted the exchange. When Tom left to get him, Derek went back to the living room to check on his daughters. Louise assured him of the good behavior of all girls, before going to the kitchen to prepare dinner. She was surprised to find Emily, who was washing out the used cups.

"We have a dishwasher."

"I know. I was just killing time."

Louise nodded as she moved to get the ingredients that needed to be cut for dinner. She was surprised when Emily grabbed a cutting board and knife to assist her.

"You can't cook Emily…" She trailed off thinking. "Or was that just Lauren?"

"I'm really not the best cook, but I'm getting better. I need to feed a family now, and my mother-in-law is a great coach."

"I see. The carrots need to be cut."

They stood in silence beside each other cutting everything in the pieces that were needed for a long time. Occasionally they heard a squeal from one of the girls coming from the living room.

"Louise…" However, before Emily could go on, she was interrupted.

"I don't want to hear it." The cutting got a little faster and harsher as it was needed.

"But you should know that he is dead."

The older woman stopped dead in her movement. She had known that something had happened, when Emily had brought him up with Tom, but hadn't expected that. The knife slit out of her hand to the board. As her feet started to become weak, Emily guided her to the closest chair.

"You are free to do whatever you want, Louise."

"A lot of people know that I worked for him."

"But everyone thinks you are dead and now that he is dead there is no reason for anyone to proof that wrong."

The housekeeper nodded, but still the news was too new to sink in fully. She sat and stared at her hands, then the counter and finally just above Emily's head, out the window. Em started to wonder if it had been a good idea to insist in telling the other woman. Maybe she had been fine the way everything was and now that this immediate and always present danger was gone the woman seemed to fall together.

"You know, sometimes I wondered what would have happened, if you hadn't come into his life." Louise's eyes bore into her now. They were full of worry and fear, as the memory swam over her. "I remember him talking about Declan needed to learn how to shoot. I was worried, because the boy was just about four years old. He was supposed to be a child, but all he saw was the man Declan should be one day. Strong, powerful and willing to inherit the family business, no matter what the price would be."

"We got into a fight over that gun too."

"I know. I wasn't allowed to let Declan close to you for weeks. I was afraid; you would leave him and Declan. I didn't know that you didn't have a choice on more than on level."

"What…?" Emily trailed off, not knowing what the other woman meant.

"I never understood why you fell for him in the first place, but Interpol explained that." Louise now directed her eyes to meet the brown ones of the other woman. "But at the end that wasn't the reason why you stayed and came back. You hated your assignment. The only reason why he didn't notice how much you despised him was because of the light that always shone in your eyes when you were around Declan."

Emily swallowed as she realized that Louise had seen right through her role. If the woman had wanted to, she could have turned her right in with Doyle.

"Declan saved your life. I'm sure of it and you saved his." Louise got back up from her chair and went back to her cutting board. "And I'm glad that you allowed me to stay with him. I knew that you wanted to adopt him yourself. It must have killed you to see him grow so close to Tom."

"It was for the best."

"Was it?" Louise glanced back at her and suddenly Emily knew that her nod she gave in responds wasn't a lie.

"Yes. It hurt, but I wouldn't have my husband or our daughters now, if I had adopted him. Declan would be stuck with his frustrated single mom. No cute baby sisters." She joined the other woman at the cutting boards.

"He remembers both of you."

"He does?" Emily was surprised.

"Tom doesn't know. Declan is scared that it is wrong to remember his first dad."

"Oh…"

The toddler running into the room, interrupted the two women. When Derek followed close behind and picked the little one up with the short wince due to his injury, Louise eyes found Emily's once more. She instantly knew that the older woman knew who had given him that wound. He smirked the thoughts off and handed the girl to her mother, before returning into the living room. A short time later Tom and Declan returned, engaged in a discussion on the soccer game.

Dinner was ready soon after and as everyone was hungry, it was a successful meal. Declan had to tell everyone about his progress in school and how he had made in on the soccer team, although try-outs had been before his return. After dinner the girls showed clear signs of tiredness from the long day and their parents decided that they had to go back home. Derek had taken the baby carrier with their youngest and had Avery and Emma trail behind him towards the car.

"They are lucky." His voice sounded unreal through Avery's crying. Emily looked at the young boy quizzically.

"They have you as their mom."

"Declan…" She trailed off, not knowing where to start and end that conversation in the short time. She could see the sadness in his eyes through the porch light. His eyes flickered behind him into the house, but he could hear that his dad was on the phone.

"I remember you, you know?" He was knitting his hands nervously. "Well I guess, I remember Lauren."

"That was a long time ago."

"You were the only person, who ever played with me, before we got here." He clarified. "It's hard to forget the one person, who isn't afraid to show her love for me." She was surprised by the words of the twelve year old. She hadn't thought she would have such a lasting impact on such a young child.

"I'm sorry things didn't go different." She tried to hide the regret in her voice, but considering the tears in her eyes, that was hard to do.

"It's alright. Dad is cool, and Louise is still here right?"

"Yes." Emily looked at him. The boy seemed to have something else he wanted to share, as he looked back into the house to check on his father. When he didn't speak, she made a step towards the car. Derek looked like he could use some help in calming down their cranky daughters.

"Emily…"

She turned to face him again.

"You will come back, right? Now that we live in Virginia you can visit again."

"If you want me too."

He nodded softly. His face still looked torn, between what he wanted to say and what his brain allowed him too.

"What is it, Declan?" She stepped closer once more. Her hand wanted to ruffle through the thick blonde locks, but she kept it down.

"Could you tell me about my real dad?" The whisper was quiet that she wasn't even sure if she had heard it. Dec's face looked like he had just committed the ultimate crime and he looked back down the hallway.

"He was a…" She struggled to say it, but he was faster.

"…a bad man. I know. But he was my dad."

"Your daddy. You called him daddy and he hated it as much as he loved it." She could see the question of "why" in the young face. For a moment, she contemplated how to explain the statement, without revealing too much.

"Daddy sounds softer than dad or father. He never wanted to be soft, but kids do that to you. So he hated that it made him soft and vulnerable, but he loved it when you called him that." She could hear Tom ending his phone call. "When you first came here to live with Tom, you refused to call him Daddy, because you already had one. Dad was fine though."

Declan smiled.

"I can't tell you a lot, but I will see what I can do."

"Can do about what?" Tom stood next to his son now, and had heard the last part of the sentence.

"Declan was wondering, if you two could visit us in D.C. sometime."

The man looked surprised, but he gave a soft nod when he saw the hope flicker in his son's eyes.

"After school gets out, but I will have to do a lot of travelling this summer."

"Maybe I could stay with Emily, when you go to France." He turned to Emily with a serious expression: "I hate France. They talk weird."

Emily searched her friend's eyes for his approval. "I will have to talk to Derek first, if you stay for that long."

"I'm fine with it." Derek's hand came to rest on her hip, before he spoke to Declan. "But just so you know, in my house we talk Football or Ice Hockey, no Soccer."

"I play Football." He paused for a moment, rethinking his statement: "I'm not very good though. They say I'm too small."

"We just need to find the right position for you. I show you some moves and you will be the star on the team next fall."

Tom and Emily shook their head, as Declan gave an enthusiastic nod. They both watched sports only on occasion. It seemed like a plan though.

"You also have three little girls running and screaming around you all day and sometimes during the night." Em threw in. Her daughters could be quite overwhelming sometimes. A boy with no siblings at all could face an unknown challenge with that.

"You need a son." He announced after thinking the statement through. Emily groaned as she moved to hug Tom goodbye.

"Exactly my words buddy." Derek shook the young boy's hand.

"Even if that was an option and it's not…" She threw a pointed look at her husband. "…there won't be a baby this summer, or do I look like I'm a whale?" She moved to hug Declan.

"Let me know when you make it to the final games. We will come to support you."

"We aren't that good."

"Yes you are." She smirked and realized that she might be a little biased like every parent was.

They said their final goodbyes and promised to visit again soon, before they sat in their car and drove home, with three now peacefully sleeping little girls in the back.


	14. Egg Hunt

Hello my amazing readers. Here is the next part. It's a lot of family fluff and some memories from the beginning of the Avery story. This is the last part, but there will be an epilogue coming, which will tie everything together. Sorry for all of you, who wanted to see Declan, but the story around Doyle is just over and that was what this was supposed to deal with. Just assume that he comes to visit them in the summer. Happy Reading!

**Egg Hunt**

It was early in the morning on Easter Sunday. The sun was just rising and colored everything in their backyard into tones of red and yellow. The flowers in their beet were just blossoming and all they could do was hope that winter really was over for this year. Emily sat on the stairs to their back porch. She was still in pajamas, with a warm sweater on top of it. Her short now black hair was in a messy bun at the back of her head, only held together by many bobby pins. Having her hair short, was an advantage with the children, but it had been cut almost too short for her to get it out of her face. She heard the backdoor behind her, and assumed it was her mother-in-law, who had gotten up early. Derek had been allowed back on his first case, although he was still station bound. Of course, they had been called out of town, only a few days before Easter leaving it to her to prepare everything and hoping he would somehow make it back in time. She had gotten so used to him being home and them developing into a normal family that it was surprisingly hard on her to let him go again.

She turned her head in surprise when she felt him sitting down behind her. Her questioning look caused him to laugh.

"We got the guy late last night and then spend all night finishing the case, so we would be back before any of the kids would wake up."

"Sounds like you are going to have a long day ahead." Emily leaned against him.

"Well my plan was to snuggle with my wife for a few more hours, but for some reason she is not in bed."

She didn't respond other than moving even closer into his arms. Feeling him around her, breathing in the scent of his cologne and being able to hear his voice calmed her down. She had never minded that he left town for his job, because she had been well aware of the hours beforehand and somehow having him gone for several days gave her something to look forward to. He was doing the job they both loved and she was taking care of the girls they both loved even more, it seemed like a good deal. However, that had been before Doyle and the nightmares.

"You had nightmares, right?"

Emily had decided that she was not going to tell him, because she did not want to make him feel bad, when the words came over his lips. Taking into account that he had already guessed correctly, she didn't see a point in lying to him though.

"It wasn't as bad, as they used to be."

"You didn't have any nightmares the last few weeks." He didn't say it, but that had been the only reason why he had gone with the team. He could do most of his work from D.C. even when the team was on the case.

"I'm just not used to you being gone anymore."

"I don't have to go."

"I will have to get used to it." She gave him a small smile. Somehow, she had to get her independence back and as much as she loved to have him around, she couldn't depend on it. "Also I had time to hide the eggs and presents for the egg hunt."

He rolled his eyes at her: "We could have done that later."

"Actually we changed the time for the hunt, Jessica, Will and I was going to take the children to the cities hunt in the afternoon."

"Were you going to tell any of us?"

"I didn't hear from you since then and considering that you were busy working on files I assume JJ and Hotch didn't answer their phones either."

He gave her a small nod. Everyone had been focused on closing the case, before they had gotten on the plane. During the short time on the plane, they had taken a nap and now that they were home there was finally time to plan the rest of the day. He got up and stretched out his hand to help her up as well. She pulled herself up with his help, before following him inside the warm house.

"Your mom was worried you wouldn't make it."

He gave her hand a quick squeeze: "Do you really think I would miss her last few days here?"

Emily laughed lightly: "Your job usually doesn't ask people, if they want the day off or rather work."

They were now upstairs and he quietly pulled her into their bedroom before closing the door. He then got her to come closer, so he could wrap her into a tight hug.

"Well I have some plans for tonight." He then revealed with a smirk. "I asked Mamma, if we could use our last night with our resident babysitter and she agree to watch the girls."

"So what are the plans?"

"Well there will be dinner, maybe a movie and possibly a nice suite in a fancy hotel."

He was studying her face for reactions. Although they seemed back to normal to most of their friends, there was still this little thing. They were fine when it came to being parents, holding hands, even snuggling and kissing, but Emily seemed to always find an excuse, preferable Fran living in the house, to avoid the sex. It was obvious what he was trying to do with the hotel suite, but he wasn't so sure of how she would react to it.

Indeed, she seemed to be thinking his plans through and he began to think she would bring up an excuse, when she slowly nodded her agreement.

"What movie do you have in mind?"

"I don't know yet. You can choose. All I care about is you being there with me."

He could see her eyes roll in amusement and was about to argue with her, when he decided against it. He was surprised when she started pushing him towards the bed, but wasn't going to complain, since first she was his wife and second he was really tired.

When he woke up a few hours later, he was still fully dressed. He must have been tired enough to sleep in the uncomfortable suit he had been wearing on the way back. Emily was gone and her side of the bed was cooled down enough that she must have been up for a while. He struggled to sit up and glanced towards the alarm clock. It was almost 10o'clock and he groaned in frustration. He didn't come home early to sleep through the day, but that seemed to have happened.

He jumped out of bed, grabbed some new clothes from the dresser, and hurried in their bathroom. After a warm shower, he went downstairs and was greeted by the girl's voices coming from the living room. He shook his head as the usual argument started over a toy and decided to leave them to it, for now. He stepped into the kitchen where he found his mother preparing a large basket for the picnic with their friends in the afternoon.

"Good morning sleepy head." She greeted him with the same term she used to hear during his high school and college breaks, when he decided sleeping until noon was just right.

"Morning Mamma." He gave her a peck on the cheek, before grabbing one of the sandwiches she was preparing. "Happy Easter."

"Those are for later. There are still some eggs left from breakfast."

"I never liked cold eggs." He grimaced and took a large bite of the sandwich so she couldn't take it away from him. "You should know that."

"Emily loves them; let's hope your children turn after her. It will make it easier to feed everyone"

He just shrugged, taking another bite.

"Am I still babysitting tonight?"

"Yes, she actually sounded like she was okay with my plan."

Fran gave him an encouraging smile, before turning with a small grin: "I expect more grandchildren as my pay."

All she heard was a cough mixed with a choking noise coming from her son, who had just swallowed another bite of his sandwich. It took him a moment to stop the uncontrollable coughing und to respond: "Em is done with the whole pregnancy thing. She made it very clear, when she was in labor with Katie that she would divorce me, if I got her pregnant again."

"A woman says many things, when she is in labor and I am still waiting for a baby boy."

He turned serious, as she had hit his soft spot. He accepted his wife's decision of not wanting more children, but that one little boy was still in his dream family picture. "Me too, Mom. But I'm afraid you will have to ask Sarah and Desi to deliver that one."

She gave him a small smile, as she heard the disappointment in his voice. "Just wait a little longer. Once the girls are a little older, the memory of labor might faint enough."

Derek laughed. Fran Morgan would never give up the fight for more grandchildren, no matter how often they would tell her no. At least Sarah was pregnant now and that should hopefully take the attention of his family for a little while.

"When is the family egg hunt?" He decided a change of topic was needed.

"To say it in your wife's words: Whenever the sleeping beauty awakes, or before we leave to the park."

Derek lifted his hand in surrender, before moving to the living room door. "Well I'm ready, so I'll take the girls outside and we start whenever you finish up over here."

He found his wife in the living room with the girls. Their youngest was on the floor, trying to move forward, which didn't work quite yet. He smiled as he leaned down to kiss Emily.

"Looks like she is ready to join the trouble crew."

"Just like every other Morgan child, right?"

He smirked and pulled her up from her chair to hug her tightly. They only had a few seconds, before Avery abandoned her game and ran to her father. Just like Emily the children weren't used to him being gone anymore. The last few days Fran and their mother had been struggling to explain to Avery, why Daddy couldn't kiss her good night. It was like the memory of him being gone over and over again was wiped away.

"Daddy." She lifted her arms in clear indication wanting to be lifted up. When she was sitting on his arm, she hurryingly threw her arms around his neck. "I missed you Daddy."

"I missed you too, Sweetie."

"You are staying home now, right?"

"For a while." He could see her disappointed face, and glanced at his wife quizzically. Avery proceeded to snuggle closer in his arms. He had never seen her like this. Maybe when he had put them on the plane with Fran and the little girl had felt his fear, but never because of a case.

"How about you get your coat and shoes on, so we can start the egg hunt?" He softly suggested as he slowly let her slight to the ground.

"You have to be on my team this year, Daddy."

"You think Mommy and Emma can handle it without my help?"

He smirked as the little girl nodded her head as fast as she possibly could. "Well then I will be on your team."

"Mommy said someone has to look for Katie's eggs too."

"Well we better allow her to be on our team then."

"Maybe she can be on both teams and everyone can help her." Emily threw in, knowing that Emma would just grab whatever she could get anyway.

"And Grandma can be on our team too." Avery announced.

"Only if you get your shoes and coat on." He gently reminded her. It worked and she ran off. "Don't forget to help your sister too."

When they were alone with their youngest on the floor between them, he turned to Em. He still wanted to know what the sudden attachment of his oldest meant. Emily just shrugged, before she leaned down to pick up Katie.

"I wasn't the only one who isn't used to you being gone anymore."

"How bad was it?" He remembered the hysteric cries for her mom, when Emily had been gone and he hoped that the little girl hadn't reacted the same way.

"Nothing we couldn't handle." Em could already see the worry and guilt written all over his face. She didn't want him to think that he couldn't do his job anymore. It was always part of the silent deal, he wanted to work, and she was not going to be the one to stop him. "Really stop worrying about it."

She gave him a smile, before she disappeared with Katie into the hallway to get the baby dressed for outside. He followed slowly, putting some shoes and a light coat on. He then helped Emma close her coat. Once the whole family was outside it didn't take long for Avery to find everything that had her name on it. She then proceeded to hunt for Katie's presents, while Em was still struggling to get Emma to search at all. The little girl finally caught on to collect the colored eggs in her little basket, but simply ignored her presents.

"Mommy, Emi missed this one." Avery gave her a pointed looked when she came with a baby doll. From then on, the oldest also followed her younger sister around and made sure the girl would also collect her presents not just the eggs. Emily just shook her head, leaving it to Derek to help them, while she joined Fran on the porch stairs and watched. After the yard had been checked three times for missing presents, Katie had fallen asleep in her mother's arms and Emma looked ready for her nap as well.

Hours later, the little family was in the large park, with many other families. They had found a small picnic area where they were able to set up their lunch with the rest of the team. Katie had fallen asleep in her car seat once more after the short ride and stayed with Fran by the food. Avery had soon decided that Henry and Jack were a lot more fun to have on her team then her little sister. JJ didn't mind at all to take the little girl along, since it seemed to make the hunt more interesting for both of the children.

"Mommy, can I go with Auntie JJ, pretty, pretty please?"

Emily glanced over to where her blonde friend stood with her husband, they mentioned towards the lake, where more hiding spots were expected. "Will you listen to what JJ and Will tell you to do?"

"Yes." The little girl stood ready to run, and was gone in seconds when her mother nodded yes.

"Don't lose your duck." The dark-haired woman called after her, but she doubted that her daughter was still listening. Her little basket with her eggs and her favorite toy in it was flying by her side.

Derek shook his head, when Emma started to follow her sister. He was about to stop her, when Rossi caught up with them. "No worries, I will make sure this little bambina collects all the eggs she wants." With that, he took the little hand of his Goddaughter and guided her to follow her sister. Penelope was already halfway between the children, not sure, if she should follow or wait. With Kevin having to work for the weekend, she put all her focus on her fairy Godmother skills.

"Looks like it's you and me, Mrs. Morgan."

"And the massive load of eggs Uncle Dave is going to collect for his little Bambina."

"There is always macaroni salad, egg salad, deviled eggs."

"There is also, I'm already sick of eggs, because our fridge is filled with them."

Emily smirked as she turned towards her husband. He was trying to make her see the positive, but around Easter time there was only so much of egg she could take and to her knowledge that limit was already fulfilled in her own fridge. Maybe she could convince Emma to share her eggs with her favorite uncle and aunt. She could also drop some of the ones her daughters had colored off at the ambassador's house. If she would take Avery to bring Grandma a present, Elizabeth would never say no, even if she ended up throwing them away.

She felt his hand take hers. Her thoughts finally left the eggs and she caught up with him as he lead her away from the egg hunt. She could only go a couple of steps, before her worried-Mom mode kicked in and she turned to look back.

"They are fine."

Em glanced at her husband. She hadn't even started to voice her worry and he already reassured her. Again, she wondered how she had ever deserved to have him in her life.

"Where are we going?"

He just shrugged, although he did have a clear spot in mind. They walked closer to the lake, but away from the children and their parents, who were looking for eggs. Finally, he stopped at a small picnic table, which was halfway between the lake and the playground. He didn't sit down, but pulled his wife closer instead.

"What are we doing here?" Em had looked the table over, but couldn't figure out why he would come here. Derek smiled, before placing a kiss on her lips.

"I had a lot of time to think…" He glanced over her shoulder to the little store at the shore. "…looking for you, during the hospital stay…" She grimaced, but that was not the feeling he wanted her to have so he simply leaned in to kiss it away. "…for the few weeks at home, with Mamma wanting me to bring you back home and then even when you came back and the team was on a case, but I was still sitting in the office. There was just a lot of time to think about stuff."

Emily looked at him quizzically. She had no idea what he wanted her to get out of his little talk.

"We were here before, almost three years ago."

She looked around again and suddenly she recognized the playground, with its swing set.

"And when Mamma was telling me over and over that I should fight for this marriage, I tried to remember when I had fallen in love with you." Emily's eyes widened at the sudden change of topic. "You were my partner and when you started helping with Avery, I simply saw it as my partner helping me."

"Oh I'm sure Fran saw something different." Emily smiled as she remembered the glances her now mother-in-law had given her whenever she interacted with Derek or Avery.

"She saw what I should have seen a lot earlier – the woman I should and wanted to marry." Derek smirked as she started to blush. "But this here, Emily, is when I fell in love with you."

His brown eyes were on her, trying to figure out, what she was thinking, as she glanced around.

"Avery fell over that rock and started crying. Mamma tried to calm her down and I wanted to pick her up, but all she wanted was you…" Emily now looked up at him. "And when you picked her up, calmed her down and then wandered off to buy that duck, that's when I fell in love with you."

Her cheeks turned into an even brighter tone of red now, as his eyes were on her. She hadn't seen so much love in them since before Doyle. He had looked at their newborn baby's the way he was looking at her now. Pure love.

"Of course Avery and Mamma figured that out a long time before I did, but that day is when you stopped being just my partner."

She still stared at him. His arms were wrapped tightly around her and she had just enough room to look up at him. Suddenly a big lump formed in her throat, as the one moment came back into her mind, when she had realized how much she loved Derek and Avery. The moment when she had realized that, she wanted nothing more than being a part of their family.

"Do you remember that Friday night, when you send me to watch Avy, because you had to work on Jordan's file?"

He nodded and his face becoming more serious. That had been the start to a horrible two weeks.

"Avery had called me Mommy for the first time that night. It just came out of nowhere while she was playing with the leaves in your backyard. I didn't know how to react, but I was sure that it was wrong that _your _child called me that."

Emily swallowed in an attempt to get rid of the lump in her throat, which didn't work.

"When I came home you had left a voicemail and while you were just trying to rearrange our movie night, Avy kept interrupting and asking for her Mommy."

"I thought she was talking about her real mom." He finally remembered and guilt filled his face, as he realized what that must have done to his wife at that time.

"After the voicemail was over I…" The lump slowly disappeared as she allowed her eyes to fill with tears. "My life stopped. I sat down where I had been listening and I cried for such a long time."

"Emily…" His fingers were now on her cheek to wipe off the tears.

"Derek I cried for that long, because I finally realized how much in love I was with _you_. Some of the tears were about losing Avery, but the majority was about you. I can't tell you, when I fell in love with you, but that moment when I had decided to lose both of you. I realized that I had been kidding myself. I didn't go over to keep your daughter company. I went over to be with you."

His fingers were still on her cheek and he caressed them, as the tears slowly stopped to flow.

"I had never planned on having any of this. After Italy, I decided I didn't deserve children, because I killed the one back then and with men…" She shook her head with a small smile. "They were either trying to play with me, or I was playing with them, but I never put any trust in them. I mean I had trusted that kid, who had gotten pregnant, until he left me the second after I told him. I just didn't see any reason for a relationship and my parents gave me the perfect example that a career could make people happy as well."

She shook her head at her mind state. "Declan awoke some of those so-called mother feelings, but at the end I was still playing the role of Lauren. And when we met, I don't even know why I trusted you, especially after Doyle, but somehow you were just the kind of man I needed. You accepted me, protected me and most important you never asked for anything in return. It was just like you were there, whenever I turned around, or even when I refused to turn around."

They both smiled, as she referred to her stubbornness.

"And suddenly Avery was around and my life plan of dying alone was out the window, not even to talk about that you had to get me pregnant twice."

"Just to refresh your memory, I didn't hear you complaining at any point when we made either of those babies." Derek smirked as he pulled her even closer.

"I guess not."

He leaned down to kiss her. Her arms snuck around his neck, as she got on her tiptoes to be closer to him. For a few moments, the outside world seemed to fade around them. It was just him and her.

"I love you." She finally whispered, as she had to pull away to breath.

"I love you too, Princess." His eyes smiled back at her and suddenly her fear from the last weeks, seemed to evaporate.

"I think we should skip that movie tonight and move on to the suite."

He smirked: "What about dinner."

"There is always room service." She replied with a suggestive grin playing on her lips, before she stood on her tiptoes once more to kiss him.

They stayed a little longer, enjoying each other's presence, before their phones started to vibrate and they decided it was probably time to find out, what their children were doing.


	15. Happy Birthday (Epilogue)

Hi, well this has come to a faster end then I have thought. I loved writing this, especially the Doyle parts. It was great to explore that character, although he is somewhat creepy. I want to thank everyone who has favorited this story and those who have put a review. I would name you individually, but well I want to post this tonight. You are greatly appreciated. I am working on a new project, but it will be awhile until it gets done. So far I only have a chapter in the middle of it, but I'm confident it will turn out fantastic.

Thanks to lovelover123 for all your beta reading. I still have some stuff for you to read. This chapter is also dedicated to lovelover123 and was written for her birthday a while ago, so it has been polished by now.

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**Happy Birthday**

_I think, at a child's birth, if a mother could ask a fairy godmother to endow it with the most useful gift, that gift should be curiosity._  
**Eleanor Roosevelt**

**July 2013**

"Mommy!"

As Emily turned around, she found Avery looking at her. In her usual role, the six-year-old was standing next to her younger sibling, as the protector and spokesperson. She was dressed in a pink swimsuit with her hair in two pigtails hanging to her sides and seemed to shiver a little due to the AC that kept the house cool.

"What's up, Sweetie?"

She took in both of her children, and had a feeling she knew what this conversation would be.

"Remember how you said Drew is not allowed in the pool…" Avery glanced at her dripping baby brother. "And Daddy said he needs a new diaper too."

With that she gave the little boy a soft push towards their mother, before she let go off him and ran back outside, where her friends and sisters were still playing.

Emily looked at the boy for a moment, considering if it was really worth it to put him into a third outfit for the day. This morning she had put him into an old outfit, knowing it would be dirty, before noon came around, but an hour before the guests were supposed to arrive she had put him into a nicer outfit. One his grandma Liz had given him for his birthday. After all that was what they wanted to celebrate today. She should have known her children better, especially with the pool and all the other toys outside.

"Come here, big boy." As he came closer, she could see the trails the tears had taken on the dirty little face. The shock of falling into the water, had hopefully taught him better than taking the risk again. As she lifted him into her arms, she could feel the water transfer into her own shirt, but she only rolled her eyes. Four years ago, she had tried to keep Avery, Emma and herself clean during the everyday life, but she had soon learned that she had to make compromises when it came to the appearance of four young children. The only occasion she dressed up for, were the weekly date nights with Derek and a few guest lectures at the academy. Other than that, her shirt was usually sprinkled with at least one substance that didn't belong on it.

She took her son upstairs into his room. There was another outfit Liz had bought for him, but Emily didn't feel like having more clothing to wash and grabbed an outfit that he had worn a few days earlier, without leaving too much evidence on it. Her assumption was that he would end up in the pool again and then there was always the meal that he liked to get all over himself.

"Did Daddy show you, how to be this messy?" She asked the little boy, while exchanging the soaked diaper with a new one. Young Andrew Derek only responded with a giggle. He looked more like his father with every day and Emily couldn't stop herself from loving that fact. He was his father's mini me, just like Katie was her mini me and then there was Emma, who was the perfect mixture and Avery, who seemed to take after her biological mother. It seemed like a fair representation for everyone. Em finished changing the boy and carried him back downstairs, before setting him on the floor.

"Come on Drew, Mommy needs to get the salad." The boy followed a few steps behind her into the kitchen, where she grabbed the huge bowl and the rest of the silverware, before leading him through the backdoor into their yard. There, a huge crowd had assembled. All their family and friends, who felt more like family, had come to celebrate and spend time together. She placed the bowl on the table, while her little boy took off to be with his friends once more.

"Emily, we told you, we could help with the food." Penelope glanced at the supplies her friend arranged on the table.

"You should be enjoying the fact of not having to move." JJ declared shooting a worried glance at her pregnant friend, but then looked at Emily, "She is right though, Beth and I could have helped you."

"Really you helped me enough with bringing the other sides."

"See I didn't even do that. Kevin insisted that I could only give instructions." Penelope looked frustrated as she placed her hand on her belly.

The women at the table, who had been pregnant before, shared knowing glances and Fran put a motherly hand to the blonde's hand, "Men tend to become that way, once you hit a certain level of pregnancy. You just need to learn how to use it." She winked towards her son's best friend. "Ice Cream at two in the morning, back massages…"

"Why didn't I get that advice?" Emily responded with a laugh.

"Well I thought you knew how to handle my son. Maybe with the next grandbaby…" Fran had a smirk on her lips as she watched her daughter-in-laws face change in terror.

"Don't say such a thing. I am done. I was done before Drew and see what I got? Now I have two Derek's to clean up after."

"Which is a good thing, right?" Beth was laughing with the rest of the table. Usually it was she, who got the teasing about children. Everyone wanted her and Hotch to have siblings for Jack, but as she had just moved back to D.C. she had still other things on her mind.

"That would depend on the situation. I can already see all those poor girls, who get their heart broken by my handsome son and I'm not a fan." Emily was laughing as she left the ladies at their table to head to her husband.

The men were occupying the area around the BBQ. Em smirked as she listened to the conversation about techniques of smoking meat the best. She wrapped her arms around Derek's waist and pressed a small kiss to his neck.

"You should teach your son to stay out of trouble." The smirk travelled in her voice and none of the men could hold back their grins. Derek flipped one of the hog dogs for the children, before responding.

"I'm teaching him something better than that."

She met his glance over the shoulder: "Yeah? What would that be?"

He placed his utensils on a table close by and pulled her into his arms, "Drew is currently learning the art of wrapping you around his little fingers, so you won't stay mad at him for long."

She slapped her hand against his chest, but her face mirrored his smirk, "Aren't you smart?"

It was a rhetorical question, but he still grinned before kissing her. "That's why you love me, right?"

"Something like that." She turned in his embrace, ignoring his played hurt expression, to face Will, Kevin, Dave and Hotch, who watched them with amusement.

"How long until the meat is ready?"

"Just a few more minutes, we are almost through." Hotch nodded to the filled plate.

"Good. I see some tired eyes out there, which means the cute little children are about to turn into monsters."

Rossi grimaced at her remark. On more than one occasion did he have to deal with a very tired Emma and he didn't like that at all: "Let's get on this, Gentlemen."

Emily was about to join the women back at the table when she saw Spencer come around the corner, entering the yard. She went to greet him, but Henry and Drew beat her to it, as they both ran to hug their Godfather. Henry immediately began telling him a story, while his younger friend just watched, waiting for his turn.

She smiled at the boys and turned to Maeve, who watched them as well.

"It is good to see you again." She pulled the younger woman into a careful hug. She was surprised when she actually felt it being returned, but glad to see the improvement. Em had been the first to squeeze out of Spencer that he was in love last year and it had also been her who forced him to eat, while he was spending long hours at her hospital bed. He had never given up the hope that she would survive the attack of her stalker. Three months later, he had been forced to travel with the team again, and so he had called her full of worry when the hospital had let him know she had woken up. The team was stuck in Oklahoma, due to a tornado, but he needed someone to go and talk to Maeve. Therefore, Emily had gone. With the FBI credentials, nobody had asked any questions and she had carefully approached the young woman. She had seen the fear in the eyes of the recent victim and remembered her own in the months after her undercover life with Doyle. Having arranged with her mother to watch her children for the day, she stayed with Maeve until Spencer had made it back into town. It had only been the start of a long way back into life. Not only the memories made it hard for Maeve to move on, but she also had to relearn several body functions after the long time not using them.

"Thanks for inviting me, Emily."

"Of course, you are part of the family." She smiled again, before she hugged Spencer, who had sent the boys back to their game.

"I didn't really know what to get him." Reid handed her a small present. From the feel of it, Emily expected a book under the colorful wrapping.

"I'm sure he will love it. It's from Uncle Spencer after all." She knew that her little boy adored his uncle, who knew how to do magic tricks.

"And Maeve…" He hurried to add. "…she suggested it." He smiled at his girlfriend, before pulling her closer and guiding her over to the large table to greet everyone else.

When the food was ready, it took a while for everyone to be fed, especially since everyone had also a child to feed. Besides Jack, Henry and four Morgan children, there were also Desi's nine-month old son and Sarah's two-year-old twins, demanding from their mom's and grandma to get the best pieces. Especially Sarah was busy with her two daughters, as the sisters husbands had stayed in Chicago. JJ had to leave the table half way through the meal, to feed her hungry newborn boy, who had been sleeping up to that point. Declan, who had seemed a little lost, between the adults and all the children had finally found something to do as he helped Katie to cut her food and picking it up with her fork. By the time everyone was full, Emily was more than ready for naptime, but she knew that they had to eat cake first.

She was about to get up to get it, when Derek stopped her and went instead. He came back with a few minutes later with the cake and one big candle burning in the middle. That was all it took to get the attention of all the children and the parents started singing, while Emily placed the little boy on her lap.

Drew's eyes grew big when his dad placed the cake right in front of him on the table. Emily pulled her face into a grimace as the little fists flew into the cake. It was quite the effort to get him to pretend blowing the candle, but finally that was done as well.

Everyone had a piece of cake and the table slowly grew quiet over the sleepy children. Derek's lips turned into an amused smirk and he got his wife's attention on their youngest daughter. The three year old was lying with her face forward on her plate, her nose covered in cake.

"I think it is nap time." He got up and carefully picked Katie up to keep her asleep. "Emma come on."

The four-year old didn't look too happy, but she was tired so she followed behind him up the stairs. Avery stayed behind in the yard, snuggling into her grandma Liz. She was the big girl so she didn't have to take a nap anymore, if she didn't want to.

Emily excused herself as well, carrying her almost sleeping boy upstairs. Playing all day with his friends and eating cake had worn the little guy out. She did have to clean the cake off him before putting him into his crib and as she stood there watching him curl up as a little ball she couldn't help but smile.

"Is he asleep?" Derek's voice was soft by her ear, making an effort of not waking their son up.

"He might be out for a while." She leaned against her husband for a moment, both of them watching their little miracle sleep. They had not planned to have more children after Katie, although Derek, in support of their part-time child Declan, had still secretly hoped for his little boy. The last pregnancy had been the most enjoyable for him, since he had been transferred into to the academy, where he was training new agents. After his injuries from Doyle he had been out of the team for so long, besides doing paperwork that he had come to acknowledge the joy of being at home with his family at night. With JJ being pregnant again, the team had slowly started to change and he felt that he didn't have to work with them anymore to have them in his life. The BAU family would stay a family, no matter where they worked.

"We should probably check on Avery." Emily whispered as she started to move out of the room. "And I think your sisters probably will want to get back to their hotel for naps as well."

He nodded in agreement and they made their way back downstairs. Indeed his sisters, leading their tired children, met them in the hallway.

"We will be back for more playtime and dinner."

"They could take a nap on a guest bed," Emily offered.

"No, this is not about them taking a nap, I need one." Desi gestured towards herself.

Derek started laughing seeing the seriousness on his sisters face, "You have no idea how much energy this little guy will have in about a year. You better start to adjust."

"Oh be quiet big brother." Desi nudged him, before following her older sister outside to the rental car.

The couple made it back outside, where their oldest daughter was still playing with Henry, and Jack. Declan tried to convince the adults to join him and the children for a soccer game. Finally, JJ got up from her seat.

"Don't even think about it Penelope. You are our referee." JJ's eyes glided over the group of friends. "Boys against Girls, I would say."

"I don't think that is fair." Declan had counted correctly that there were more males than females.

"Oh believe me; she knows what she is doing." Will sighed. "And half of the males here don't know anything about soccer." Automatically Dec's eyes wandered to Derek.

"I saw that. Just remember who made you the star of your football team."

Everyone laughed, before they started their game. Not only did Henry play to large parts to his mother, whenever she asked him too, but with Avery, who was playing in a team her Aunt JJ coached, they also got the ball to the front. It ended with a tie and a tired group of friends sitting in the grass, laughing and chatting.

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PS. To those that guessed correctly that there would be a baby boy, well I did make it a bit obvious. Haha And those who stopped reading because Katie was a boy, or those who hated me for hurting Derek, well it all needed to happen so it would work out. I just don't think Emily could have children after the wound Doyle gave her, so I moved it to poor Derek. I'm sure he will forgive me now. :D


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